Within these pages are some of my most vulnerable and private moments. Some bring such joy while others are so painful they bring tears to my eyes as I write: the shameful things I hid, the feelings of devastation I felt as the consequences of my poor decisions unfolded, and the isolation that grew within me as I did my best to walk out my journey.
As confronting as these years are to pen, I write them in the hope that perhaps you will find encouragement on your journey. Our stories are made to be told, to be shared and enjoyed.
My story begins when I was twenty-one and made the decision to remain single. Forever. Relationships, dating and marriage weren’t for me. Better to remain single forever and protect myself from any future heartache.
When I made this decision, it was genuine. I couldn’t risk being hurt again, wasting time with the wrong guy, or worse still, waiting in hope for the knight in shining armour who never arrives. I wasn’t willing to lower my standards either. I’d watched friends settle for less, then years later find themselves unhappy, and again out of love. No thanks! Not for me. I wanted to let go of the idea of ‘happily ever after’ and move onto the next phase of my life.
For a while, I walked out this decision confident it was right for me. Then, a few months in, it dawned on me that my decision to remain single was consequently a decision to forfeit having children. Having children was one of the many unspoken expectations I assumed I’d tick off as I navigated the seasons of life.