Abortion. Choosing to allow a life to be ripped from your body in such a humiliating way is not something your soul moves on from quickly. [Personal experience]

The first time I walked through the door of the abortion clinic was for an appointment to confirm I was pregnant. In my mind, there was no need for confirmation. Since I’d taken the test, the subtle changes in my body were haunting reminders of the secret I was hiding. A sudden thirst for soft drink, cravings for ice cream and a distaste for coffee, which had generally sustained me each day during university and long hours at work.

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Self-worth struggles and a Covenant of Life

When I was in the final stages of editing my book I came across this passage:

‘Black baggy clothes were my staple attire—my best efforts to hide the body I was ashamed of. In my mind, the few extra kilos I carried were enough to make me want to hide. But imagining the future forced me to realise I didn’t want to be a wife with body image issues, a lack of confidence, constantly belittling myself. God valued me, and I needed to start valuing myself.

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Sin too deep for forgiveness…

how to feel forgiven

The shame, guilt and horror of what I’d done were so deep that I couldn’t deal with being present in my own life. I just watched it from a distance. I wasn’t me. At times, truckloads of emotions boiled up, and I exploded in uncontrollable crying, screaming and shouting. The outbursts lasted for hours. I was an intelligent and capable young woman yet the way I was living was incongruent with what my heart knew to be true, and it caused extreme conflict within. Continue reading