Inadequacy that leads…

image by McGuigan Visuals

I’ve lost count of the number of times times I have lead worship or spoken only to leave the platform wanting nothing more than to have the world swallow me up, vowing never to do it again.

It is so easy to get lost in my own perceived lack, in light of others seemingly ‘extraordinary gift set.’ At times feelings of inadequacy have left me so paralysed. It would be so much easier to just step back, sit down and leave things to those I judge as much more able.

Feelings of inadequacy or feelings in general can lead us; lead us to do something. They can lead us forward, lead us back, lead us to Jesus or sometimes just lead us to do a little too much time navel gazing ha!

It got to a point recently where I was so sick of the rollercoaster of inadequacy (“Yes I can do this! No, actually I cant do this…”) and I knew couldn’t do it on my own anymore. I needed to really allow God to do a deep work in this area. I just didn’t know how.

More scripture? More thinking? Less thinking? A counsellor? My pastor? Who knows! All I knew was that I was committed to walking it out step by step led by the Spirit of God. It was just a matter of waiting and seeking.

Many of my feelings of inadequacy were stemming from me feeling the need to do the small things perfectly; to have all my ducks in a line so to speak; a list of have-to-must-dos to tick off before I could relax and feel I had done well. 

I have always thought that Jesus was in control of my life but in hindsight I realised that He was only in control to the degree that I allowed Him. I hadn’t intentionally shut Him out, it was just that only thought to ask Him about the big things.

Should I take this job?

Should I go to this church?

Should I marry this man?

Should we buy this house?

But when it came to the small details, I was doing things in my own strength, using my best thinking and planning not His. I was always open to Him speaking but hadn’t thought to ask about the little things, the small seemlingly insignificant details.

Romans 12:1-2 The Message

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.

Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God.

You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognise what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it.

Romans 12

Was God really interested in my everyday ordinary life and decisions? Did He really have a opinion when it came to what I ate, what I buy and when I went to bed? I was determined to find out. And so, I committed to asking Him about anything and everything that came to mind.

My reoccurring prayer when I began to feel my own desires and will rising became “It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me,” (Gal 2:20). Praying that God would bypass my head and lead my heart, that my feelings of inadequacy would lead me to the feet of Jesus.

I have discovered at a much deeper level than ever before that a life of worship is a Spirit led life. Spirit led in the big things and Spirit led in every little detail of our lives if we allow. Not in a bossy way but in a freeing, intimate, ‘I can’t believe you love and care about me in so many small ways’ kind of way.

The feeling of love has been overwhelming but the actual walking it out part has been somewhat confronting. It turns out that God does have opinions about the seemingly small details of my life if I dare to ask.

Are there areas of your life that you haven’t dared or thought to ask about?

I wonder what Spirit led adventure awaits…..

In Love, Carly

11 thoughts on “Inadequacy that leads…

  1. Love this Carly!! Have been feeling just like this lately, and have found I really need to seek God and be truly lead spiritually! Not to sweat the small things but embrace, learn from them and move on.
    Perfect timing! Thank you xx

  2. This is so good Carly. The picture of walking out my faith, but relaxing in being me. Where is that verse that says we are precious in His sight?

    1. Isaiah 43 (this whole chapter is so dear to me…) but verse 4
      Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, And I have loved you;
      Verse one starts with “I have called you by your name and you are mine”
      Thanks for the lovely reminder- a beautiful way to start the day. 😘

  3. How good is God? I’ve been thinking and praying on this just this morning. Tonight here it is again! I struggle with giving over the little things. I think I shouldn’t. I feel like I shouldn’t be wasting God’s time praying for a quick and easy car spot – or that the traffic clears so I get home on time – or the other myriad of things that permeate my everyday. Instead I save it up and just ask the big stuff and then I feel bad for asking only for the big stuff like I’m only asking when I’m in strife. Crazy I know not logical at all. I have to have it all over. The message is so very clear. Now to pray on it and make it happen. Bless you and your writing. xx

  4. So beautiful, vulnerable and powerful – thank you. Ahh those inadequate feels hey! Ha! I love the thought that intimacy with Jesus is what helps wade off the insecurities of our humanity. Yes! Because the more and more I talk with Jesus, spend time in his word and bring my everyday life into our intimate relationship the more His grace and mercy and love and strength become louder in my life than the thought that I’m not good enough, or can’t or haven’t done! 😘😘

  5. I really liked your insight, about not just the big decisions, but also the small. Scripture speaks of the “little foxes”, (cute little cuddly baby foxes), how they can be destructive by playing in the vineyard. Sometimes it the neglected little things that leads into larger neglect or problems. I think it puts a smile on God’s face, when we hand even the small things over to him, even if it’s not required.

  6. Hi Carly,

    Time to catch up on some blog reading for me…

    I loved this… It helped me realise that I too have been unintentionally leaving God out of my daily life decisions. I have been back and forth in my mind, whether I can complete University or wether I should be working full-time, whether I should do this course or that course. These decisions have totally hi jacked my mind in the recents weeks and took me to a place where I was completely disconnected, from Church and from God.

    I now realise that when we allow God into our daily decisions, we give honour to him with our whole life and it allows us to realise what God has called us to. It makes every decision easier because I’m not trying to make it out of my own mind but thought the divine knowledge that comes from God.

    hope this all makes sense.
    Thanks for sharing

    De

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