The following words have echoed in my heart since I first felt them impressed upon me on a recent family holiday.
“Write….because it is who you are. It’s how I have created you.”
My husband and I had driven down to Yamba with our girls to join some close friends of ours for our first shared family holiday. Generally on holiday mode we would allow ourselves to be engulfed into a bubble of lazy days reading, reflecting, swimming, playing games, having long chats, sleeping in just enjoying the simple things.
After having kids we quickly realised they operate at a different pace. Mainly they don’t relax. At all. And so, after one failed attempt to camp with them, we were well and truly ready allow others into our holiday bubble for our own sanity really.
In an aim to do something for my personal growth, even if very small, we took the opportunity on the drive down to begin reading the book ‘Live Love Lead’ by Brian Houston. I say ‘we’ because often if we are in the car together it is common practice that the passenger has to include the driver in whatever the he/she is doing: reading out a facebook feed, giving Insta updates, reading out a text or email as it is being typed or in this case reading a book aloud. No silent treatment in our car!
Anyway as Joe was the one driving, I was the designated ‘entertainer’ and so I began reading. Within the first few chapters I found myself surprisingly all choked up and I was doing my best to maintain a normal even toned voice as I read aloud. It was obvious to me that God was softening my heart and beginning to do something new.
The next morning as I opened my bible and journal I felt nervous and expectant. Before I even began reading, I felt the words drift into my heart.
‘Write….because it is who you are. It’s how I have created you.’
For some reason at this request to “Write….” Everything with in me wanted to shout, “No way! Please don’t ask me to do that!” And I wasn’t even sure why.
I began reasoning:
“What do you mean write?
“I am writing!”
“Look here is my journal, where I write….often?!”
But deep down I knew exactly what He was getting at and it made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
Recently my husband and I decided to put aside a much loved role of leading and pastoring a creative team to allow more time just focus on our family. We continued to serve on our team with myself worship leading, and Joey playing guitar and music directing but we no longer carried the responsibility to lead the team. While this decision had been made willingly, without realising it, I had shut a door in my heart.
I had always loved leading, pastoring and in particular preparing the word. But as the decision to let go of a leadership role and focus on our family seemed right, I guess it was just easier to shut the door on unanswered questions and hopes of the future, walk away and try not to think about it.
And now here I was in this moment with God tapping on this door asking me to pry it back open a little. Despite a large part of me internally yelling, “please no anything but that!” the other part of me trusted His voice and I began to write. As I wrote I saw the scriptures come to life in a way so familiar to me, so dearly missed and when I finished I felt relieved. It was as if I had been held under water and had finally come up for breath. I felt like me again.
I thought of God; He is so kind and He knew.
Over the next month or so I continued the creative process of writing however, I soon realised that I was lacking the diligence of finishing my creative musings. As there was no looming deadline, I missed the step of packaging my thoughts nicely, delivering them and moving on. So this is where the inspiration came to start a blog. I wanted the motivation to finish my thoughts to completion.
The theme of a worship blog was only natural I have always been passionate about the worship of God. And so, I begin my journey as a writer, perhaps a little clunky at first but already I have found that doing what I am created to do has brought me great joy. I feel closer to Jesus as I engage in something that I enjoy.
- What inspires you?
- Is there a door that you have closed that God is perhaps gently tapping on?
He is kind, He is wise and He knows us better than we know ourselves.
In Love, Carly
Scriptures that I am reminded of as I reflect on this Spirit led adventure…
Romans 12 v2 Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it….. v3 The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what He does for us, not by what we are and what we do for Him… v6 So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.