inspiration

MAKE IT HAPPEN

| 33 Comments

Terrible at New Year’s Resolutions? Ugh. Me too. I always have the best of intentions, but it rarely happens. Oh well. Looking back on 2013, where I was in December was so so so far from where I was in January. I mean, almost every element of my life was different.
Over the course of the year, I loved my job, realized my job wasn’t my dream job, dated good guys and bad guys, traveled to new places, failed a lot, had unexpected surprises that changed my course a bit, learned more, cried and smiled, fell down, stood up. It’s impossible to plan for what the year might hold.
And that’s the beauty of a year. 365 days to make things happen. To change direction, make decisions, celebrate, learn, and (of course) grow.
At the end of November, I was feeling run down. Not in an overworked/exhausted kind of way, but in a frustrated-with-myself kind of way. I was tallying up all the disappointments, failures, and missed opportunities. (Plus, add a heaping spoonful of feeling overwhelmed by the future.) There was one day in particular when I was just at the end of my rope. You know those days where you’re just… done?
Well, I was done.
I called my mom hysterical barely even able to breathe let alone communicate how I felt. There wasn’t any one reason why I felt the way I did. There were plenty. I think it was just that everything that had happened recently (quitting my job, being in a relationship, having a dog, realizing the scope of my blog, etc.) was just too much. I hadn’t given my brain enough time to wrap around all the change and it resulted in a not-very-flattering meltdown.
To be completely honest, I pretty much keep my head down and just do what needs to get done on a daily basis. I kind of put my blinders on and just charge forward, checking things off the list as they come. Sometimes I can sense just how public my life can be, but for the most part (especially in the city where everyone here it seems like is someone and is doing big things), it’s just the everyday, normal. After going to the Head of the Charles, however, and getting to meet so many people, I was reminded at just how public blogging can be. It’s amazing and awesome and I love love love getting to meet you all, but all of a sudden I felt like I was on display. In the moment it was fine, but when I got back to the city I had this facing reality moment where I didn’t want that. “Give me a private island and a library full of books and I’ll just camp out there for the rest of my life,” I was thinking.
This public issue was coming to light even more as I was presented with “sign your life away on the dotted line” contracts. Yes, absolutely amazing, game-changing opportunities… but also life-changing. And that can mean some negative consequences and realities, like giving up a lot of privacy. While I was on the phone with my mom, I kept saying over and over again that I felt like I was trapped and stuck falling down this rabbit hole.
The facts were that I had quit my job to do the blog full time and now I was thinking that maybe blogging wasn’t for me. Essentially, I was having what I would consider an insane identity crisis. Everything was happening so fast and I was having to decide whether I wanted to really shove myself in the public eye and I couldn’t even get through a weekend in Boston without feeling… exposed.
Throughout December there were a lot of sleepless nights where I doubted anything and everything, kicked myself for a hundred decisions over the course of five years, and hated what my life had become. Basically I felt like I had lost control of it and was speeding down that rabbit hole and couldn’t stop. And the only way to stop falling down that hole would be to stop blogging (I thought). I had resolved to quit blogging, move out of the city (eventually, you know… at the end of my lease), accept a job offer, etc.
And then I was depressed about quitting blogging. I love to blog. I love meeting people. I love working for myself. I love it. There are just some elements that I don’t love as much. Fear, I realized, was dictating my life at that point. I was out of control, you see, but I had simply handed off the control to this silly little, hard-to-ignore emotion: Fear.
Once I realized what I had done and how drastic the decisions would be, I could take a step back and come to terms with a few things. First of all, there are always always always drawbacks to everything. You take the good with the bad, right? The good, in my case, really did outweigh the not-so-good. And as for the being in the public eye thing… I took a LOT of time and talked to a LOT of people and did a LOT of soul searching. Basically, it’s a risk… but I’m more afraid of regretting not taking this opportunity by the horns than regretting saying yes.
So I’m going for it. I’m taking back the control from Fear and resolving to make it happen. The “it” here is everything and nothing… It is whatever it ends up being. I have a couple of ideas of what “it” might be in January and February, but beyond that… who knows.
And that “it” is for everyone to discover on her own. Nothing written in stone. Just a big, blank book ready and waiting for you to write her story and make it happen.

Are you ready to make this year your best year yet? Make it happen… Make. It. Happen.

xoxo
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33 Comments

Fairy Princess Jord

So happy you decided not to quit blogging, I look forward to reading your blog everyday and it has inspired me in so many ways. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to have so much of my life exposed all the time though so I can definitely sympathesize with your struggle.

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Charlotte E

i really loved this post! I'm so glad you are still blogging and i hope you know how much everyone loves you and that we will respect any choices you make. Happy new year!

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Emily

I'm so glad you decided to continue blogging! You're my favorite blogger and I hope that whatever comes your way this year is wonderful!

Emily,
shesgotclassandsass.blogspot.com

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Jenn

Thanks for sharing your struggles. I blog for the love of blogging, and I often feel defeated. It's comforting to know that everyone struggles — even the successful writers.

Happy New Year Carly!

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NatashaDNP

Every single time you post a blog like this I am so massively inspired. I am also going through making a huge life decision that I know will have a lot of bad attached to it (namely moving far away from everyone and everything I know and love) but there is a lot of good there too.
Thank you Thank you Thank you for everything you do Carly! Your readers know how much work you put into it, and I think I speak for all of us when I say we Truly appreciate it. You inspire so many people every single day. 2014 is going to be amazing for you!!

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Amy

Happy New Year's Carly! I am so happy you decided to keep blogging – you are such an inspiration. I too was have feelings of identity crisis, not quite sure where I want to be or what I want to do. I too feel trapped in a job that I do not enjoy as much as I should be . But, you are right we need to take control, and make it happen for ourselves. I plan to do that in this new year!

Amy
http://xchampagnepearls.blogspot.com/

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Vett Vandiver

I think this is something all introverts in the public eye struggle with – especially when you're constantly sharing parts of your life. You're ultimately in control of how much of yourself you share with others & what you keep to yourself. Wishing you a happy & exciting 2014!

I'm definitely making "it" happen this year 🙂

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nikki unwin

I'm so glad you're sticking around! I just discovered your blog in the past few months, and I would hate to lose you now! Love love love your resolution. So perfect + I'm making it my own. My husband + I have been dying to move to NYC for years… This year we're going to make it happen!!!! Thank you!!

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Aleksis Melo

Carly, clearly this post should show you why you should continue blogging. I am an introvert as well, and I completely agree with what you feel, however you are pretty darn great at what you do. Thank YOU for all you do, and don't forget to just give yourself a break at times. We will not be mad at you if you don't post for a week or so, because all that really matters is for you to feel content! As for personally, my resolution is to get out of my comfort zone and finally make things real.

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Alexis

Your honesty is really lovely. The self-reflection and inner crisis you share inspire me to reflect on things in my life. I am so impressed with you and your blog, and I'm glad I'll have the chance to keep reading in the new year. I hope accepting this challenge pays off big for you. I have a feeling it will!

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Lexi Patton

Carly, I read your blog every day, often times right at midnight when you publish a new post. You inspire me so much! I'm so glad you didn't quit blogging! We're all only human, you know and I think as much as you feel exposed sometimes, you're really just voicing how everyone feels at times. Thank you for being you, and I hope you have a great start to 2014! 🙂

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LbyTV

I think that in life you're going to have a lot of ups and downs and maybe more downs than you can handle but it's how you handle it that tells the type of person you are. These are the moments that identify you and I'm glad you grew optimistic about it. I wish you the best for the new year and I hope your blog brings you much success. I think that you're different from when you started to where you are now. That at first it was just a way to relieve stress and you never imagined it becoming a full time job and that's why you were overwhelmed. But never let success overwhelm you, take it all leisurely at your own pace.

Sincerely, Lameka Fox
Self Proclaimed Optimist but really High School Sophmore

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