One thing that I know to be true, even if I don’t feel it in the moment, is that everything will work out. It’s so cliche, but I love the phrase, “everything will be okay in the end and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” Of course, life is messy and doesn’t follow a straight line– even for the most Type A person.
I try to repeat this to myself as a mantra of sorts, especially when I feel like there are many unknowns or things that I just have to wait out. I know I have control issues (😬🤪) and I’ve definitely gotten better with accepting things not being perfect, but I’m a work in progress.
Right now in my life though, my stress over the unknowns has been pretty high right now. I know, logically, that everything will work out and yet my brain is going haywire showing me a hundred (bad) scenarios that for reasons that defy logic are all extremely likely to happen. (But they won’t. At most and at worst, only one could happen after all.)
To help combat this, I’ve enlisted a new little trick. It all started one morning in the shower (where I do my best thinking!) and I was thinking about all the other things in the past that I thought would end terribly or would never sort out and what I would tell my past self from the future to reassure her. “You’re going to do great on your SATs and you’re going to get into your dream school: Georgetown!” (Gosh, saying that alone would have made my entire high school career less stressful!) “Go ahead and relax a little, you’ll get a job after college. Enjoy this time off in the meantime!” “It’s okay to be sad, but don’t worry, this breakup is actually a good thing.”
Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera.
I have a ton of those moments that I can look back on now and realize, “well sheesh, I had nothing to worry about!” (And things that didn’t work out? Maybe there were a few of those moments… but I legitimately can’t remember them so they couldn’t have been that horrible in the long run, which means… I guess it all worked out in the end 😉.)
Because I’ve been doing that, I’ve been channeling my future self and telling my current self that everything will work out. And I’m getting specific with the mantras. I pretty much believe in the Law of Attraction, or at least I want to believe in it. (As long as you’re not in denial about facts, I can’t see how it would hurt to at least give it a go, you know?) So repeating these mantras “from the future” has been very calming.
And, look, even if things don’t play out the way I’m hoping, at least I would have spent the handful of weeks leading up to it with more peace of mind and less stress. That’s a positive I can get behind, regardless of the end result.
Anyone else do something like this?! Or any of your favorite tips? Do tell!
Love this, Carly! So true. As a college student, I need to remind myself of this more often.
You look so cute in the striped top!
xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
http://www.dressedwithsoul.com
I love this, Carly. Such a great post and exactly what I needed to read today.
I hope you have a great Wednesday,
Michael
https://www.mileinmyglasses.com
The quote someone recently shared with me is to remember today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Worrying is truly another form of suffering, but it’s hard. Struggle as well. Hugs.
I relate to this so much. I am a big worrier and have been for a long time but it’s gotten worse as u get older. like you, my mind automatically jumps to the worst case scenario. It makes big things,like planning a wedding, difficult, but also day to day life sometimes. Also like you I’m very aware of it though, and try to “talk myself down”. I don’t know why my mind does that but it makes me feel a little better that I’m not the only one. My husband helps a lot, and theres certain shows or books I’ll watch or read if it gets really out of control and I can’t turn off my loop of worrying and what ifs. I love your positive outlook about peace of mind, it is so true. I love these types of posts.
I really like these posts! I’m a college student, and I experience problems with this that affect me almost 24/7. One thing that has helped me is that if I start worrying or getting stressed about some bigger, far off issue (like, am I gonna pass all my classes with a good gpa so I can get a good job after college?) I try to slim that worry back down and focus on a more present task. I try to block that irrational worry out of my mind and channel that energy into saying “what can I do for myself today to make sure that doesn’t happen?” And then I find myself thinking more rationally and putting my focus towards an assignment or studying for a test. It makes me feel like I’m making progress towards alleviating that worry and also reminds me that it’s not so scary right now.
I like your point about reflecting on other challenging things you’ve gone through to provide perspective! A trick I heard recently was to let yourself think about the (realistic) worst case scenario– basically, what’s driving your worry. Then, write out a plan for what would happen in the unlikely event that the worst case scenario did happen. To me, then the worst case scenario becomes less scary because you know that you can handle it. I haven’t had a chance to try the trick myself since hearing about it, but I walked my boyfriend through that thought process, and it seemed to help!
I needed this!! I’m trying to move to a new city in July when my lease is up and I definitely worry like what if I don’t get a job in time?? Sometimes I wish I could fast forward and see what happens. I used to feel the same way senior year of high school and wanted to fast forward and see where I would end up in college. Definitely working on being more relaxed about it and remembering that I’m always where I need to be.
Whenever I’m upset or sad about something my mom always says, “everything is already okay.” I like saying this to myself as a reminder that just because things aren’t going the way I want them to, that doesn’t mean that things aren’t still okay!
Carly, thank you for sharing! This post was exactly what I needed to hear today. I’m currently a senior in college stressing about the future, completing my honors thesis, etc., but I’m trying to remind myself that everything *will* work out. I find it helpful, too, to think back on past things that I was anxious about but that ultimately unfolded perfectly.
This is such a great idea! Definitely going to try using it in my life.
My buddy always used to remind me, “don’t borrow trouble”. My therapist also advised me to ask myself, “What’s the worst that could happen? And now what’s the BEST that could happen?” which is what we tell our kiddo when he gets nervous about school or sports. Good luck with whatever it is that’s worrying you – hopefully it’ll all be fine 🙂
My mom’s therapist taught her a trick that she passed on to me. It without fail always works to calm my brain down and stop the circling thoughts. She said to repeat to yourself: “I am okay, I am safe, it is going to be alright.” She mentioned that your brain doesn’t know how to calm itself down so by repeating a reassuring statement, you are training your brain to calm down. The bad circling thoughts typically happen to me when going to sleep. In my head, I repeat “it’s all going to be okay, you are okay” over and over. Without fail, it helps my brain stopping worrying and calm down enough to sleep.
I needed to read this today! Thank you for sharing this post. Unknowns can be scary but remaining present and trusting that everything will be okay is key.
Thank you for this post. It’s what I needed to be reminded of.
During hard times — stressful moments in school, a period where I got laid off from work, during tough family situations — I repeat to myself the mantra: “really good stuff is coming.” Sometimes I will even write it on a post it note and stick it up in my apartment. These words have really helped me remember that the pain/challenge is temporary and has helped condition my brain to expect a positive outcome.
It is all going to work out just fine! One of my favorite quotes is something my Dad has said before, it goes something like “when you are going through something and feel like you can’t make it, just remember all you’ve made it through in the past. So far you have a 100% success rate of making it.”
xx,
Hannah
In highschool, whenever I had bad days, I would repeat to myself: everything comes in time to him who knows how to wait. So basically, if it’s meant to be, you just have to be patient. I am too a bit of a control freak and like to know where I’m going! But patience is key in life… Just be positive and keep on the good work! I love reading your blog. It’s so easy to read you and you are really down to earth 🙂
Lots of love from a very cold place (Canada!)
Amelie, xox
So many unknowns as I inch closer and closer to graduation in May. I keep telling myself a job will come along and (thankfully) my family is able to support me if the process takes longer than anticipated. I know everything will be okay and it won’t be the end of the world, but I have to constantly tell myself this! My best escapes for this lately have been reading for fun!
xo,
Bailey
baileysbulletin.blogspot.com
I’ve been telling myself this a lot lately. Next year is my first year of law school and I might have to quit my job if my assigned class schedule doesn’t line up with it. I’m nervous but it’s out of my control and I won’t know until mid-August. *deep breaths*
When I first started my career, I would always panic before meetings that involved me presenting to clients or associates. I’d stay up thinking of everything that could go wrong, I’d stress over not sounding professional or knowledge enough..etc.
Then one day I had a moment where I thought “think about every meeting you panicked about…Even the ones that didn’t go according to plan, none have ever been as bad as you thought they’d be.”
Those moments are much further between now, but every now and then for high profile meetings I have to give myself that little pep talk. It also helps to think through the absolute worst things that could possible happen and think about how you’d handle it. It puts the mind at ease and prepares you for any hurdles!
This is exactly how I think, and what I constantly tell myself. I also will tell myself that you cannot change what already happened, but you can have an impact on what’s to come. Helps me to not dwell on things of the past that I wish would have gone 100% differently. I just tell myself that it is done and gone, I can’t change it, and need to move on. I am too trying to tell myself that things will work out in the end, even if the start to the journey was rocky. I totally agree with you on this! Thanks so much for sharing, Carly! 🙂
xx Libby
https://premedwearspearls.blogspot.com
Thanks Carly. I really needed this post right now.
I’m freaking out because I haven’t been able to get a job after being laid off over the summer and it’s been really hard. I constantly feel like I’m not good enough when I receive rejections (or nothing back at all!)
I’m always trying to live in the present and imagine good things in my future but they haven’t ever really panned out. Still, I need to quiet the negative voices and realize that it will work out. I will be successful. I need to be patient.
This is EXACTLY what I needed to read today. Thank you for this!
Thank you for this post, Carly because I feel like so many of us can relate. I think about that too about things that have already happened that turned out fine. I also try to think about how worrying doesn’t help anything because it doesn’t change the outcome, but I admit I’m a big worrier too!
I often say to myself, “What, is it *not* going to work out?” .. what does it “not working out” even mean, really? It didn’t go the exact way it went in my head, but it went some other way… and I’m still alive and loved and capable of handling whatever this new thing is! It helps to keep a lot of things in perspective.
Have a post on a very similar topic going live tomorrow and loved reading your take on this! It is SUCH practice to think this way regularly but so rewarding.
I really needed this today. Thanks, Carly!!!
I am such a worrier! But in the last few years, I’ve realised that everything has always turned out fine, so there’s no need to get my panties in a bunch. Even if things don’t turn out exactly as you hope, they turn out fine, and I’m alive to tell the tale 😛 Also, I recently *finally* got around to reading This Is How It Always Is, which I know you read ages ago, and that book reinforced my approach of taking life a day at a time, doing the best we can today, because that is all we can do -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s
In the past I would worry ceaselessly. I would actually tell myself things like “I’m not okay” and “everything is not going to be okay”. I had *no* idea how self destructive this was and most of all I had no idea everything was fine and everything was going to be fine. – The tactics I used to change were simply accepting my present state and accepting the future, no matter what it would bring. Now I see that everything truly, just absolutely does actually work out and I am always fine.
Hi Carly, I have been following you blog for a year now and I am such a huge supporter. I too started a blog in college and you have been a huge mentor and inspiration to me. I recently have gone through my own rough patch and this post was just what I needed to read. Thank you for always being so open and real with your followers.
xoxo!
Elspeth
http://www.elspethsdaybyday.com
I really needed to see this post. I’m a college freshman who has really struggled with the social adjustment to college life. Basically I’ve been dealing with a group of girls all year that I thought I wanted to be my friends, but they constantly exclude me and make me feel terrible about myself. I’m at a point now where I’ve struggled with feeling like a pathetic, friendless loser who is always alone – but I am working through it and ready to start fresh next semester. I know that you haven’t been a freshman in college for a while, but I was wondering if you have ever had any similar experiences or add your perspective to trying to make friends in college? Even if you never see this, thank you for being there for me when I need to hear from someone wiser that I relate to! 🙂
Something I remind myself when I start to go down the spiral of negative worry is that worry is the devil’s way of stealing today’s joy, and I refuse to give it that power.