belonging.

Super dense post…..

Have you been on a roller coaster?  For the longest time, I was too terrified to even try the thrill ride.  After lots of convincing, my friend finally got me to try one of the smaller coasters in a local theme park.  The wait in line was the worst.  The anticipation was horrible!  At the end of the line I was annoyed by the length; I just wanted to get it over with.  As we neared the front, panic really began to set in.  Getting on the ride was a blur, one minute my feet are firmly on the ground, and the next they’re dangling in mid air while a foam contraption locks me into the seat.

I screamed.  But only during that initial climb.  And then I was to so captivated by the feeling of riding the ride that I didn’t utter one sound.

Right now, I’ve got this feeling like I’ve just been standing in line for a roller coaster, but now I’m in the cart.  The line was super long, and quite boring at the beginning.  Of course, the closer I got to the front of the line, the more tension and anxiety I began to feel.

Now I’m in the cart.  Sitting, naturally, in the front row.  The little attendant guy has given that awkward thumbs up to the people in control, and they’ve just pulled the lever.

The past couple of weeks has been the most eye opening ones for me in a really, really, really long time.  I’ve met incredible people.  All of whom I had some sort of mutual friend, without even knowing!  I feel like things are finally in motion.

I’m making that steep climb up that roller coaster.  Every day, I feel like I get one more suspenseful “click” up the climb.  The feeling is so intense that I can literally hear a clicking echo in my head!!!

I can only imagine what this ride is going to be like.

I’m writing this not only because I’m really excited, but also because I feel like I’m really on the right track.  It feels… right.  Maybe you haven’t had the feeling for something being right, but you probably have felt something is really wrong.  (That sinking feeling in your stomach, for example, when you realize you definitely took a wrong turn while driving.)  It’s just like that, however instead of feeling bad.  It feels perfect.

I’ve often questioned my choice to do business as an undergraduate.  If you remember, I did terribly my first semester (accounting……).  I never really felt encouraged, or for that matter supported by the administration in  the business school.

Finally, finally, I get it.

I’m TAing for my favorite class right now and it is a lot of work, but also extremely inspiring.  I really can’t get enough of it.  Mostly, I feel like I’m surrounded people who “get me.”  A lot of people don’t, and I frequently feel like I generally don’t belong anywhere.  I don’t like drinking, or going out.  I like to work.  Doing College Prep and working on Sweet Lemon is FUN for me.  I can sit down and “work” (It doesn’t even feel like work to me!) for hours and not even bat an eye.

Every time I meet another speaker for the class, and even some of the students, I realize that there are a lot more people like me than I realize.  For that two and a half hour lecture, I have an overwhelming sense of belonging.

I’d really rather take that class fifteen times a week and skip my other classes.  (Confession:  I spend a lot of my other classes incorporating whatever is being taught into how I can better run TCP or Sweet Lemon… that’s sort of like studying right?)

I hope this even makes sense.  It’s really hard to describe what I feel, what I’m going through, how the people around me are inspiring me, how I feel so supported… It’s been a challenge to find a way to put it into words.

Has anyone else experienced this?  Do you want to, but haven’t quite gotten there yet?

xoxo