Ezra Davies Photography
I am a person of extremes. I understand and enjoy exploring all the ‘inbeweens,’ the grey area between all my pendulum swinging moments, I just don’t like camping there. I like absolutes, all or nothing.
When it comes to keeping secrets I am either a vault or I spill the beans immediately. For example I was five months pregnant before announcing the exciting news that we were pregnant for the first time, and on the other hand when it comes keeping secrets such as gifts purchased I am lucky to hold the news for longer than a day.
I swing like a pendulum from either being fairly private or as transparent as they come.
I say all that to say this: I feel like I have been keeping something from you.
Writing this blog has felt a little like getting to know someone. The more I share with you the more I feel like the flow of conversation takes me down the river of baring all. It helps me feel honest, transparent and at home as I write, like I am chatting with a good friend.
If you read the blog I posted called ‘Why write? Why Blog?’ you may know that one of the the reasons that I wanted to start this blog was to follow a prompting. It quickly evolved as I discovered I wanted to write more consistently find my voice. But here’s the thing:
I want to write books. Actually I want to write a number of them.
I have umm’ed and ahh’d about the whole idea of book writing (and blogging for that matter) feeling the pendulum swing between the feeling of “yes this is the best idea ever!” to “what’s the point, what a waste of my time, nothing would ever eventuate anyway.”
I have felt inspired and motivated then quickly disheartened and deflated before regressing to putting the desire back on my ‘someday list’.
Wisdom says to keep the secret (my desire) safe as there is risk of failure and embarrassment but the truth is I kinda feel like I am holding a surprise in. I can visualise the day when I finish the first book and then your face as you find out thinking “Wow where did that come from?” “It’s like I don’t even know her!”
Ok perhaps a bit of an extreme imaginary response so more importantly I want to be me.
I am the one who ruins surprises by giving them early (sorry friends and family).
I am the one who shares my intentions knowing that I risk failure in front of you.
I am the one who hold things in then feels compelled to tell you the full story with all the details.
I take risks and I am not afraid to make mistakes.
With the risk of failure comes the hope that one day you might be able to celebrate with me. In the same way I would love to celebrate with you too as you tick things off your own ‘someday list’. And to be honest the accountability would actually be welcomed as my current allocated ‘book writing time’ is being spent watching the TV series ‘The Flash’ with Joey. Not exactly on the path of productivity at the moment.
I do feel compelled to use my time better after sharing this goal with you however; in fact I’m going to start this week. I have made plans and I am trusting that God will direct my steps as I trust Him.
A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
So here goes……
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
― Lao Tzu
What plans have you made in your heart reserved for ’someday’ that you are awaiting to step out? What thoughts or feelings are you swinging between?
In Love, Carly xxx
P.S. Look out for a new series of ponderings framed ‘A pilgrimage to worship’ I am beyond excited about it!!