Maintaining Long Distance Friendships

I had the absolute best weekend. Not to brag or anything, but I really do have the most special friendships with some incredible people. Top of the list? Nicole.

We’ve been friends for over two decades. TWO DECADES. It’s crazy to think that a friendship we formed when we were four years old turned out to be the best one we ever made. It seems like a bonus that our families are also incredibly close too, even after all these years. (Seriously, just get my mom and Nicole’s mom in a room, and they won’t be able to stop laughing for hours, over who knows what.)

Even though I moved away when I was eight, we somehow managed to stay friends after all these years. And these were pre-texting/Facetiming days. We did an Instagram Live video, and someone asked for our tips on how to stay friends with someone who doesn’t live nearby. Long-distance friendships, like any relationship, takes work.

A lot of my closest friends don’t live down the street, but that doesn’t mean that the friendships are any less meaningful.

Our tips:

1) Embrace the space. I think it’s easy to focus on the negatives of being far apart, but try to embrace the positives instead. Moving away was extremely hard on both Nicole and me (I still resent my parents a little, haha). But, looking back, we’re pretty glad we weren’t together ALL the time because we probably wouldn’t have made any other friends. We still think about it being a positive as we think we probably wouldn’t have other friends if we lived next door.

2) Know your “friend language.” When we were little, Nicole would write me letters all the time. That was her friend language. I think it was harder for me to write because I missed her so much (if that makes sense), but I cherished those letters. Now we send a few texts here and there, but we do the most talking when we’re together, whenever and wherever that may be! Maybe you and your friends need to touch base on Skype every Sunday (like Maxie and me) or chat on the phone while one of you is driving somewhere (that’s how my friend Victoria and I stay in touch!). It’s one of those things where it depends on both people and the friendship.

3) Make plans. Part of the work of a long-distance friendship is to make sure you see each other. You can go to her, she can go to you, or you can meet somewhere neutral. Now that we’re adults (and living three hours away from each other), Nicole and I can see each other much more frequently. We make plans either in advance or last minute, but when we can make it work, we make it work. This past weekend, she came down for a super quick trip, and while we’ll take more, it’s just all we need. I’m actually heading out to Colorado today to visit my friend Victoria, and I think Nicole and I are going to be in the same city on Saturday, so fingers crossed.

4) Put in the work. I feel like all the points here kind of touch on this, but I still think it should be said on its own. You have to be willing to put in the work. I’ve had good friendships fall apart because of someone moving away, but they weren’t strong enough friendships to withstand the distance. That’s fine and totally normal. But if you want to make a long-distance friendship work, YOU have to work. You both do really. It will always be worth it.

5) Have faith. And then when you put in the work and do everything you can do, you just need to have a little faith that the magic that is friendships will last.

Some pictures from the weekend: 

I picked Colie up from the train station late Friday night, and we sat on the couch just talking about everything and anything. Luckily we were exhausted, so we did go to bed at a reasonable hour. In the morning, we got ready and went out for a little breakfast at The Granola Bar in Greenwich. I do not like matcha lattes, but the one from TGB tastes like funfetti cupcake batter– so good.

Afterward, we popped into Sephora, and each spent too much money! Whoops. Going in there with a friend is dangerous.

We went back home to walk the dogs and then went to Terrain for lunch, another favorite spot of ours. Nicole and I wandered around looking at everything before sitting down to lunch. And then we did even more shopping and window-shopping. It was so cold, and we were also super tired, so we decided to relax for a while in my apartment and make chocolate chip cookies.

Then we grabbed dinner and talked even more. That’s one of the best parts of long-distance friendships (see, looking on the bright side here), there is ALWAYS more to talk about. Sadly she had a morning train back to Boston, but we both felt like we squeezed in a solid trip into such a short period of time.