I’m so glad that Maxie wrote this post. We were actually gchatting about this and I think it’s one of the most important topics women can talk about… both with themselves and with other women! Loving yourself from the absolute inside out should come first. For a very select few, this comes easily and naturally and for others (like myself, definitely!) it takes work and practice.
*****
5 Truths of Body Love by Maxie McCoy
Do you ever have those things about yourself that you simply never talk about? Maybe it’s things you’re self conscious of. Maybe it’s things you’re worried about that you don’t think anyone will understand. Perhaps it’s your vulnerabilities.
Well I have those things, too. I have topics I rarely write about. But today that’s going to change.
Yesterday, I was watching a promo video on kickstarter called Embrace. As I watched those five powerful minutes which exposed how wretched of a relationship most women have with their own bodies, I felt the need to chat it to everyone I knew. Tears were streaming down my face realizing how many of us deal with this constant unconscious battering. We rip ourselves up. We tear ourselves down. And over what? A dimple on our booty or curve on our tummy?
When was the last time you went a day without seeing your reflection and critiquing yourself?
When was the last time you you saw a beautiful woman and didn’t compare yourself?
When was the last time you looked in the mirror without thinking about being too fat, too short, too curly, too pale, too [insert negative comment here] ?
Imagine all of that energy you’re expending on beating yourself up from the inside out and putting it towards something good. You’d be simply unstoppable.
I’ve struggled with my own versions of this since I can remember. And without going into too much detail, it’s been a long journey to learning how to love my own body, but I believe it’s one the most important journey’s we can ever embark on. Here are a few truths I learned along the way.
5… 10… 20 Pounds Won’t Do a Damn Thing
Listen to me when I say this: you will never have a perfect body according to you. Just like the Embrace video, you could fundamentally transform your body, but your issues will remain the same. Losing weight, dying your hair, getting a nose job….it’s not going to change your relationship with yourself. So before you do something crazy and drastic, know that your own joy and sense of perfection starts right there in your own head.
Appreciation is Everything
They say gratitude is the key to abundance. And I believe it. The more thankful you are, the more you feel like you have. Your body is the same way. The more you continue to be thankful for what you have, the more progress you’ll make in your own body love. If being thankful for your thighs is too hard to do right now, start somewhere simple…like utter gratitude for the way your body breathes and keeps you alive without you having to do a thing. Then, with time, you can move to your more challenging areas, like your stomach, lips or arms.
Time Heals
When I think about the things I did to myself in my teens and the things I told myself in my early twenties… it actually breaks my heart. I was so preoccupied with beauty ideals, I didn’t even realize the living hell I kept myself in. Here, at 26, I feel like I’m finally coming to the other side of that. It didn’t happen miraculously and I had to put work into it…. but just like any other bad relationship, maturity and time give you perspective.
Your Relationship with Your Body is One of the Most Important Things You Have
Have you ever wanted to just stay in because you felt like crap about yourself? You didn’t want to go to that party, get dressed up or go on that date. When you’re in a bad relationship with your body, it’s troubling and difficult to be in a fully whole relationship with anyone else…especially an intimate relationship. If you want to find love…find it for you, for your body, first.
You’re F*cking Beautiful.
You are. You’re beautiful… gorgeous… talented… unique… brilliant… and radiant. It’s in there. Tap into that. Sit in that. Believe that about yourself and the world is yours. You have this one body to live in for the rest of your life. Killing yourself to look a different way won’t do anything but keep you trapped. Love what you have. Embrace your own beauty. It’ll blow your mind what you unleash when you start to believe how absolutely gorgeous you are. As is.
xoxo
Just watched that Kickstarter video and cried. Amazing.
Great post – thanks for sharing! All women need to see and be reminded of this!
laurenroseprep.blogspot.com
I completely agree without about 95% of what you said here, but I do want to raise one issue– I think it's important that we don't characterize things like nose jobs, dying your hair, working out, etc. etc. as things insecure girls do because they can't accept themselves. Sometimes things like this can really be quite the opposite. Some alterations are born of a woman saying something like "this is my body, and I'm empowering myself to change something *I* don't like." The judgement is also born of faulty logic– I think a lot of women who say breast implants are for insecure girls would have different opinions about cancer survivors who get breast reconstruction… So where's the line? And more importantly, why do any of us think we have the right to decide it for someone else? Simply put, we don't! We need to empower each other to love our bodies in our own ways. We all have the right to take ownership of our bodies and lovingly make our own decisions about everything from minor changes like choosing to shave our under arms, to major ones like mommy makeover surgeries. It's yours! Embrace and enjoy it, whatever that means for you.
I absolutely agree with you, especially about the surgeries. I know four women who have opted to have plastic surgery, two had nose jobs, and the other two had breast augmentation. Surgery is not something you decide on lightly, because you woke up one day and didn't like the way your nose looked. For them, this was something that they have struggled with every single day of their lives. One of my friend's said getting surgery was the best thing she ever did, and she's pretty confident with a positive body image. Interestingly, all of them said their plastic surgeon asked them questions about their emotional and psychiatric health. A good plastic surgeon will screen you as much as you screen them to decide if you're a candidate not just because you are physically fit, but psychologically as well. We need to stop stigmatizing things like tummy tucks, nose jobs, and other procedures as ones for either insecure people, or vain women who are only interested in their looks. Even losing those five or ten pounds can help women feel like they own the world. I agree though with Maxie too, that we need to love our bodies as they are. I believe that if it bothers you and you want to change something about it, do it. If it bothers you, but you're able to live with it and accept it, do that too.
Alexandra, I think you make an amazing point. Not all things that we do related to our image (surgeries, makeup, workouts) mean that we're insecure or don't love ourselves. And often, major operations can be that key to closing the loop and the final step in bringing together our positive body image in our heads and reconciling that with out bodies. The message here is to not see it as a quick fix. And to the other commenter's point, to ensure you're emotionally at peace before doing anything drastic and hoping things will "magically" change.
This totally spoke to me. I struggled with this for a long time growing up. And now im a personal trainer. I have women come to me every day and I try to help them pick up the pieces and develop a better relationship with themselves. I focus a lot on written goals that don't involve weight loss. I want them to value strength and the amazing things their body is capable of. I love my job because I've been able to impact so many people because of it, and in return its continued to help ME have a positive relationship with myself too. Ahh so much love for this post and you ladies spreading the word!!
http://livingbold01.WordPress.com
I love this!! I can only imagine the amazing impact you're having on your clients 🙂
Perfect timing for me to read this today – lots of good tips, and you're right about it starting in your head. Thanks for sharing, I needed this!
This is an absolute wonderful post. After struggling with my body for years, I'm starting to take into account the tips you shared. Running has led me to love my thighs, as they keep me running – as well as the rest of my body!
This is such a great post. I think loving yourself and accepting who you are has become so much easier for me as I get older, I care less about what others think now that those school days are long gone.
-Alex
http://www.monstermisa.blogspot.com
LOVE this!! Thank you for sharing. We as women really do need to love our bodies more. Amazing post.
XoXo Shea L.
http://www.kissmychocolate.com
This post is amazing. I definitely have problems with body image and deal with it daily but I am trying to embrace myself and be healthy. I want every women to have the ability to embrace their body, feel comfortable in any changes they wish to make, and just be healthy.
Thank you Maxie and Carly for sharing this post.
xoxo
Brooke
http://www.inaworldofbees.com
Just wait until you're 50+ – self love would be such a head start b/c your body does amazing things that you wish it wouldn't 🙂 …. I'm learning the lessons you're talking about a little later in the game than 26, but they are more relevant than ever and if you can conquer this stuff now – look out! you'll be beyond fab later.
I love this, it's something every one of use needs to hear. It's so hard to tell people I'm loosing weight for my health without getting side eye about it. I've always loved myself, until I got depressed, then I lost all my confidence and am really having to work to gain it back. It's hard while trying to loose weight not to slip back into those issues again. This is a good reminder.
Mana
http://www.fashionandhappythings.com
This is such an amazing post that I think everyone needs to read! Thanks so much for sharing <3
Natalie
pugsandpink.weebly.com
Everyone should read this!
xo, Julissa