The other day, we were discussing our personality types at work. We have a bizarre number of INTJs in the office. But, in general, we have a ton of introverts. It’s funny because when we’re all together, everyone is super open and seemingly extroverted.
Introversion and extroversion are not really how people act in public, but more so where they get their energy. Introverts get their energy by spending time alone; extroverts get their energy by spending time with other people.
I absolutely get my energy from spending time alone. I’m okay when I’m with people (that I know), but I really do get exhausted after a while. Quiet time in my apartment. With a book. And maybe some popcorn. And on desperate occasions, meditation.
However, sometimes friendships can trump my introversion!
I can always tell when someone is a really good friend if I get energy from spending time with him/her. Seriously. Great friends can convince me to leave my apartment even if I claim to be exhausted or too busy. And amazing friends can manage to make me have fun at a bar.
Anyone who can do that deserves an award. It’s not easy.
Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about friendships. I’ve maintained wonderfully amazing friendships. I built lasting friendships during college. And, I’ve somehow managed to find the best best best friends in this super giant, somewhat intimating city.
Sifting through friendships can sometimes feel like searching for gold. You really do have to get through tons of sand to get that one tiny, precious nugget of a friend. Sometimes you may even think that you have one of those friends on your hands and it turns out to be fool’s gold.
Despite the fact that having to let go of once-was-friendships from time to time, continuing to put yourself out there in the search is worth it. After going through a very difficult falling out during my senior year of high school, I had this obsessive thought that I would never have girlfriends again. I loved my girlfriends in high school, but I was paranoid to let anyone into my life during college because I was afraid. Yet, when I finally opened up… I found those friends that really understood me and that made life so much more fun and meaningful.
Friends add color to your life. Friends can make sitting at home on a Friday exciting (Laguna Beach re-runs, anyone?). Friends can make a night out on the town feel like the best night ever.
What’s important to remember when searching for friends is to find out how you are as a friend. Friends come in all shapes and sizes. (Quiet ones, crazy ones, wild ones, shopping buddies, call-at-4-in-the-morning-during-a-meltdown ones.) Ask yourself what you bring to the table in terms of your friendships. Do you take more than you give? Do you listen as much as you vent? Do you laugh and cry? Do you support? Do you compromise?
Important things to consider!
What do you look for in friends? What kind of friend are you?
xoxo
This post was exactly what I needed to think about right now in terms of my own friendships, and really put time into thinking what kind of friend I am too. Thanks!
The timing of this post is super relevant to my life. The conflict I still have is what to say when I'd rather stay in than go out, without disappointing those who asked. Those friends are still fantastic people, but just not the kind I really mesh with – not the really, really great friend kind of person.
I'm the same way! I'm always super self conscious that my friends will think I'm boring because I need to spend so much time alone, but that's just the way I work. I'll still go out, but it's tiring and sometimes I like to choose to stay home by myself and watch netflix. This post actually helped me realize that I'm not weird for liking my alone time, so thank you.
Hooray for Introverts! 🙂 I love making new friends in every chapter/adventure of my life…it's more like new friend because I'm so picky. Loyalty and support are important in friendships and relationships. I'm sure you're great at it! 🙂
"I can always tell when someone is a really good friend if I get energy from spending time with him/her." <– YES. I never really thought about it like that but it's so true. I used to have a hard time accepting the fact that I'm an introvert (for some reason it seems like our society looks down on that) but I really like how you explained it.
xo
Courtney
The Hunter-Gatherers
I can relate so much to this! I'm such an introvert and I used to think that made me come off as as indifferent or even rude to people, but I guess I really do get my energy from being alone! It's when I am most creative! But I do have those few good friends who change that, though I don't know I'll ever be totally comfortable in a bar… 🙂
Thanks!
-Meghan
meghanbanke.com
i can completely relate to this! i feel like so many of my friends are draining. there are only two that i can hangout with and get my energy from. it's so nice to have friends like that. otherwise i just want to be at home with a book or movie and some popcorn.
I really enjoyed this post. In high school I had my group of amazing best friends and now, two years later, I can literally see us growing apart. I know they'll always be my friends that I can go to but I don't feel as close to them as I use to. I have bigger dreams and plans that I know will get me far but that means I have to leave them behind, not just literally, but in that we don't have much in common anymore. I know it's time to meet new people but I'm scared I won't make friends and that it won't be the same as my old ones. I'm in that middle place where time by myself is great (I'm definitely an introvert–> #scorpioprobs) but I think I'm ready for more. A quote from Nicholas Sparks really caught my eye and has helped me accept the fact that it's okay to move on from my old friends. "It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but you find yourself moving on."
Another great post! Thank you!
-Tatianna
Prep-in-the-city.blogspot.com
Thanks for clearing up the introvert/extrovert labels. I've taken that test and I get INTJ or ENTJ depending probably on my mood that day. I don't like the idea of labelling unless it provides me a better understanding of myself, not as a crutch or an excuse. I'm making a consious effort to expand my friend group and be a better friend and you are right, it's worth having gold nugget friends!
I adore this post! For me, a friend is someone I can be myself around. When I first came to college I felt like I was faking it to fit in, until I met by best friend who I was absolutely weird around and felt so comfortable with. Literally, in like three days we trusted each other completely! (scary, i know!)
I think you give such good advice at the end. Definitely something to consider. I look for reliability (can I count on them? do they add to drama?) and compatibility (do we like enough of the same things? do we have similar understandings of friendship?). What I hope I bring to the table is a caring, non-judgemental person who is always there for her friends. I believe in expecting the same level of commitment and dedication as you put in yourself.
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