Anxiety

Glimpse of Myself

Sometimes I catch glimpses of my old self. Isn’t it funny how you don’t find yourself changing day by day, but then you get to a point where you don’t recognize yourself.
Here’s the thing, I am absolutely where I am now because of what I’ve done and gone through in the past so I certainly wouldn’t change a thing. But I’m very happy with where I am and who I am now.
Coming up on the two year anniversary of my college graduation, I guess I’ve been more nostalgic than normal. Not in a “those were the best days of my life,” but in a those days were the right foundation to live the best days of my life. It’s like every day gets better and better!
September may be a sign of beginning (if you still think like semesters), but May always signals a transition for me.
I am, completely, the same girl I was in college and before, but the difference is that I know myself better. I can make better decisions and be more proactive about what I need to do for myself. Part of that is going through those rough patches and finding out what really is the end of my rope. Franklin D. Roosevelt said it best, “When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” And the way up? One small pull and lift at a time; while you’re doing that, you’re getting stronger and stronger. While there might be a slip here and a slip there, if you’re putting in the effort, the overall progress is up. And even if you slip way down again to the end of your rope, you’ll find that your rope is a bit shorter! And you can climb up a little bit easier!
The first four months of this year were intense, in a good way, for me. So much travel that I was neither expecting nor used to and finally getting into the groove and rhythm of working for myself (and in my apartment).
Transitioning once again, as I tend to find myself doing around May, I’ve been making more time for myself. More time disconnected (as disconnected as a blogger can be!). More time with friends and family. I’m still that same girl with workaholic tendencies, but I know how important it is for me to not let myself get into that deep hole. As far as I’m concerned, knowing when to take a step back, whether it’s an afternoon during a crazy week or a long weekend during a lull in the schedule, is major progress. I feel the same, and I feel different.
I started seeing that old glimpse of myself at the end of a crazy streak (travel, projects, privacy issues, etc.) and I recognized her right away… and knew I had to make that change. Running more, making healthier choices during the day, making time for friends, going home to see and celebrate my family… it makes the difference I need so that the old self is just a glimpse. And (truthfully) having Teddy and Garrett add so much joy in my life!
So cheers! to the experiences and cheers! to becoming better versions of ourselves.


xoxo
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20 Comments

Aimee C.

Carly, I especially love posts like these–where you share your progress and self-improvements with your readers.

Just this sunday, during the church sermon, my pastor was explaining the same thing: sometimes you really just need to take a break from working. During the times of rest, is when people are able to really find and understand themselves better.

Lovely post. 🙂

– Aimee

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Chloe Logan

What a beautiful post, Carly! This resonates a lot with the advice you gave me by email, for which I am still grateful. I'm so happy for you that you found all of this joy. I graduated from college last week, so now I'm in the process of finding myself and setting up my future. Thanks for everything you do, and I just adore you!
xoxo Chloe | Wanderlust in the Midwest

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Gillian R.

I feel so happy for you! Honestly, I'm sort of feeling the same way. I'm 17 and a junior. I'm planning on not going to college right after HS, and instead taking a couple of gap years to skate professionally. Seeing it's an 'unusual' decision, I've gotten flak for it (not from friends and family, mind…mainly random people when it isn't their business anyway!!). But, I'm past it. Every week I feel like I find a new milestone within myself. And if I'm happy? If I'm working hard? If I'm doing what's right with the Lord? Taking care of those I care about? Then I'm on the right track.

Thanks for your blog! I really can't go a day without it. 🙂

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Hunter

I completely understand what you are saying. I feel the exact same way about high school. I was in a relationship for two years of my life and I changed so much over that period of time. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend, but I look back and realize that being in that relationship really made me become who I am even though I grew apart from my ex. Great post Carly 🙂

Hunter
Prep on a Budget

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Adrienne

There's a line in The Wallflowers song "One Headlight" where he says "I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same." I think that applies to your post and I agree with you. I'm 10 years out from my college graduation and I look back at that time as building my foundation, even though I didn't really realize it at the time.

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Christina Greico

Loved this post! I'm graduating high school in a few weeks, and I'm really starting to see the transition in myself as I prepare for college. I think we learn most about ourselves as we reflect on our past and who we are and who we want to be. Excited to see what is next to come for the both of us, Carly! 🙂
– Christina
http://www.coolcatchristina.tumblr.com

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~LO

Please don't listen to the petty comment made by a reader earlier! Looks like a classic case of "I'm unhappy so I will make myself feel better by making rude and unnecessary comments to other people." 😉 And FYI, your blog is better than ever!
I've been reading your blog for a long time, an while obviously I don't *know* you, a feeling of content happiness has certainly shown through in your posts in the past few months (despite the nasty, nasty cold winter we had here in the north east!)

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Dikshya

Carly, that is true, we don't observe the changes happening everyday but when we look back a lot has changed.

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Laura Nelson

I love this! I'm still in school so I completely think of my years in terms of fall, winter, spring, & summer quarters, but each new quarter feels a little different. I've definitely been recognizing how far I've grown over the last few years even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.

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