It’s taken me a bit to sit down and write this post out. I’ve been in a bit of denial that it’s real, I think. A week before Rory arrived, we said goodbye to Hamilton. Honestly, even just typing this out is making me cry all over again.
Hamilton, who just turned eight at the beginning of the year, woke up on December 31st with a floppy tail and just seemed off. I kind of expected him to bounce back after a day or two, but he quickly started to show other weird symptoms that led us to believe it was more serious. This started a series of appointments and visits with specialists, all the while his symptoms were worsening. I wish I could tell you that we know what happened, but no one could pinpoint what exactly he was sick with. He had a lot of little symptoms that added up to a very sick dog, but we ran just about every test you can run on a dog and there was no smoking gun.
Eventually our little guy stopped eating and was getting just even more sick and even more weak as the days went on. I was taking him all over to different doctors, he was admitted to an animal hospital for nearly a week, and we were trying all sorts of medication as a trial and error tactic just to try to pinpoint a solution. The whole experience was incredibly stressful and overwhelming. I just wanted to know what was wrong so we could fix it!!!
Every day, although things didn’t seem particularly rosy, Mike and I were holding out hope that things would turn around. We were looking for signs that our little Hammy still had some fight in him– he came to the door! he barked at the delivery truck! he ate some food! His last day was devastating though because we knew he was suffering.
I had experienced losing family pets before growing up, but Hamilton was my dog and this was incredibly heartbreaking. I was 39 weeks pregnant and incredibly hormonal to begin with and we had to say goodbye to one of the best dogs a person could ask for way, way too soon. I fully expected to have another decade (or more!) with him and it felt like my time with him was cruelly cut short.
Hamilton was so special. He was a little more like a cat than a dog– always slinking around and finding the sun. He didn’t particularly enjoy going for walks and yet he was one of the most athletic dogs you’ve ever met. He was cartoonishly cute with a soft white belly and paws that looked like he tiptoed through bleach. People would stop us wherever we went to ask what breed he was. He had a special bond with Mike really. While I had him before I met Mike, the two of them immediately hit it off.
None of us are “okay” yet. It has been wonderful having our new addition here, but it still feels like we are missing a piece of our family without Hamilton here. I keep waiting to see him run up to the door to greet us or for him to push his way under the covers in the middle of the night. It doesn’t feel real. It’s been really hard trying to explain to Jack what happened– he keeps asking, “Where’s Hammy?” and I swear my heart just breaks all over again.
We all miss him so much 😭
I lost my lab over ten yers ago and my heart still aches like crazy. I’m thinking of you all!
I’m so sorry for your loss 💔😢
Losing a pet comes with a special kid of heart break. So sorry for your loss especially as you adjust to a new normal. Thinking of you all!
http://www.elspethsdaybyday.com
Oh Carly, I’m so sorry to read this. Losing a dog is so very painful. Your family gave him the best life and he knew how loved he was. <3
I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your beloved Hammy.
A dog is a deeply profound loss for sure, sending so much love to the Riordan family in this time.
Pets really are members of the family. I’m so sorry for your loss, Carly. He sounds like he was such a special little guy!
thank you for telling us more about what happened. i’m so sorry for your loss! the reality of medical science vs our expectation from fiction is so frustrating: don’t all our problems have specific and solvable causes? sadly, they don’t. i wish it were different and that hamilton could have recovered. sending so much ❤️ to you all!
I’m so sorry for your loss and you are not alone. We just found out our lab has some sort of cancerous mass on his side and we are waiting to find out exactly what it is and how much longer we have. It’s so unexpected and I just sucks, to be frank. If it’s any consolation, it is really help me coping knowing that someone else out there is going through something similar and when the dreaded day comes, I know that I am not alone in my deep feelings. Thank you for sharing. I hope your family heals soon! <3
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost many people in my life (including my Dad at a very young age), but there is nothing more devastating than losing a pet.
I am so so sorry for your loss, Carly. Pets are members of the family and it is so hard to lose one – especially unexpectedly and at a time that should be so filled with joy. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. 💗
What a hard thing to go through at an already overwhelming time. Hamilton seemed like such a special dog. Sending you a big hug!
Sorry for your loss – always the hardest emotions to go thru…. And Welcome to your knew adorable pup!!!
I am so, so sorry. While it was way too short, you gave him such a happy life.
Oh Carly I’m so sorry. Sending you all a hug❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose our fur babies.
Pets are family. So sorry for your loss ❤️
Carly, thank you for sharing about Hamilton. I remember when he came into your life and he immediately was a blog fave. I hope as time passes you are able to heal and the family as well. What a precious furbaby and so lucky to have him in your life. Hugs to you and thank you for sharing again.
So sorry for your loss, Carly! We had something very similar happen with our dog. He was his normal, happy self until one evening he started “coughing” and 3 days later he was gone. It’s so hard knowing they are suffering and that no matter what you try, it’s just not working 💔
Carly — I’ve been a reader for years and years, but I rarely ever comment on your posts. But with this one, I simply had to.
My husband and I lost our pup right when our twins arrived — it was horrible timing (we were admitted to the hospital and my mother had to be the one to take on the burden of saying goodbye), but I take a lot of solace knowing that our sweet pup was there throughout my pregnancy. I believe wholeheartedly that she held on as long as she could so that I could confidently enter motherhood. Dogs KNOW, you know? Sending your family lots of love. I know that in my own experience, it was initially so hard to untangle the loss of our dog and the arrival of our twins, but with time, we’ve been able to see those things may have happened at the same time, but they aren’t related. Sending you healing.
Oh Carly. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Ham looks like the sweetest happiest little guy, and clearly was SO very loved. Our 12 year old dog is a similar breed, and my heart breaks for you guys reading this post. Sending so much love. 🫶🏼
I am so very sorry for your loss. I reccomen the picture book “Dog Heaven” by Cynthia Rylant. It is a great book to explain the passing of dogs to little ones and also helps ease adults’ breaking hearts. Sending so much love.
Sending my love and prayers your way. As an OG reader / follower, I felt crushed for you when I saw the news. We lost our family dog in October, so I know a fraction of the pain you’re going through. Cannot imagine if I was 39 weeks pregnant when we had to put him down.
I’m sure you are, because I’ve personally learned a lot about self-care from you – but just dropping in to say please prioritize your heart as needed right now. It’s not easy to find that time when you’re someone who is a critical figure for others in her life, so as an internet stranger who cares about you, I just want to empower & support you in this.
Sending so much love,
@xoxodanika
Hi Carly! I don’t know if you’ll find this helpful at all, but I’ve heard of stories of animals suddenly getting sick and passing, just in time for their owners to go through a health scare but come out fine on the other side. I think pets can protect us more than what we realize, so maybe Ham was keeping you safe during your tough pregnancy. That sounds pretty crazy to even type out, but I think it’s a noble story to help you find peace when it doesn’t make sense.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is so difficult losing a pet who is actually a member of the family. My heart hurts for you.
I can’t even imagine. It’s supposed to be a wonderful time of celebration of new life. There’s just something about those four-legged fur babies when they’re no longer there. Sending the biggest hug from Texas.
So sorry! My little guy turned 10 this year and it was the first time I thought about not having him forever. <3
I am so sorry for your loss, Carly. I’ve followed you since before you got Hamilton and when you shared this news my heart broke a little bit. Totally understand where you’re coming from with him being your dog vs. your childhood family dog. That really hit home for me as I’m sure I’ll feel the same way about my first dog when the time comes for her to go to doggy heaven. Sending you and your family lots of virtual hugs.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing such a sweet family member who has given you such joy, love, and happiness is heartbreaking. My heart goes out too you. .
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, Carly. Wish things had turned out differently but you did everything you could.
Carly, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I second the book Dog Heaven and also recommend The Invisible Leash by Patrice Karst…wonderful book for your whole family.
I still remember when you got Hamilton as a puppy. I have gone through a similar experience. The best piece of advice I was given for healing, is to find little symbols that when you see them, you think happy thoughts of Hamilton.
I’m so very sorry. I cried almost everyday for 3 months after my rat terrier passed away at 18 years old. It’s a huge loss and I’m so sorry for your pain. xo
Hi Carly, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s always heartbreaking when a pet dies. They’re part of one’s family 💕.
So sorry for your loss. I’ve enjoyed seeing Hamilton on your blog over the years, he was the best !!
What a lovely tribute to Hamilton. Wishing him peace and sending my love to you and your family.
I am so so sorry Carly (and family). My family has had many dogs throughout my life, but I just got *my* first dog last year. I can already tell that it’s going to be 1000x worse when I lose him and I already dread that day. How is Teddy handling it?
I am so so sorry for your loss. We had to put down our dog of 13 years, Lola, on the same day you had to put down Hamilton. I unfortunately know all too well the pain and grieving process you find yourself in. I am sending thoughts and love to your family.
I am so sorry for your loss. You gave Hamilton such a good life and I loved watching him grow up.
Sending you so much love Carly 💗
Oh Carly! It’s such unimaginable heartbreak. A club none of us wished entry to. Bless that sweet little Ham. I’m sorry sorry for your loss and hope that as time passes your heart heals and memories of him keep him alive inside all the humans he loved! 🤍
A very similar thing happened to me. My husband thankfully called my best friend to ask whether or not he should tell me that our cat was dying the day before going in to be induced. Ultimately, I’m so glad he did. But holy moly, with the hormones, and the love, and the empathy, it is SO ROUGH. Sending you so much love and compassion – it’s totally okay to grieve while also feeling all the other feelings.
So sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is one of the worst things to experience.
This recent Jon Stewart monologue is sad, but hope it brings a little comfort: https://youtu.be/jJ_A2BKCNDs?si=_KScs20TEtdQ82Hk
I’m so very sorry for your loss. He was truly part of your family. Hugs to you all!