Oh, Valentine’s Day. The day we all love to hate and hate to love. Right? I was thinking about what I should write for the day and I realized that I’ve been keeping a post written in my head for a while and never really gotten around to sharing it. But today, it seems extra relevant.
I definitely grew up watching Disney movies and while I liked the princesses, I never found myself obsessed with them. The happily ever after thing never was appealing to me and I certainly never dreamed of finding a Prince Charming.
So while I never subscribed to this “happily ever after” dream, I do constantly (and I mean constantly) look to the future. My happily ever after was less about glass slippers and life-saving kisses, but more about checking off all these boxes on my list. This goal, that goal. Happily ever after was something that I felt like I was constantly chasing and, in the process, I realized that I wasn’t doing much living. To combat that, I adopted the phrase “Live Your Dreams,” which I repeat to myself over and over again in my head to remind myself to live in the presence to have a dream life every day.
It’s motivating, refreshing, and a surprisingly good stress-reliever. Tomorrow is simply tomorrow and the past is in the past. The present moment is all that matters.
And the real kicker is that all the present moments add up to equal your past and your future.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t look to the future to make plans or avoid looking back in the past to learn lessons, but that should only be about 20% (roughly speaking). The majority 80% is all about making the right decisions and listening to how you feel right now.
Happily ever… as is.
With relationships in particular (romantic and friendships), I have found that frantically guessing what the future holds is the best and most efficient way to sabotage it. There’s something to be said about being happy in the moment and letting one moment turn into the next. Way less pressure and way more enjoyable.
When I seek that happily ever after feeling for myself, it’s almost always focused in some sort of career sense and the stress largely, if not entirely, falls completely on myself. But with relationships? We share that pressure. It really does take two to tango! From personal experience, I’ve found that once I ditch the “happily ever after” and adopt “happily ever as is,” it really is a lot happier. Why wait to be happy later when you can be happy now?
Looking back to where I was last February, it’s almost a complete 180 change. I definitely made more mistakes than I can count, but those mistakes were the best teaching points for me. And in fact, I can trace almost every single one of them to a forcing the happily ever after issue… instead of just being happily ever as is.
Let’s ditch the fairy tales and leave those to Disney and the princesses… Instead, let’s enjoy where we are (whether that’s single, in a relationship, in a complicated situation, in a gaggle, etc.) and be happy.
xoxo
This post is so relevant in my life. I need to stop trying to do things "by the book" and make myself happy! It's so much less stressful and a lot more fun!
Thanks for the inspiration!
Taylor Anthony :: Prep, Please!
This is great! Definitely important to just do what works for you.
I love this!
Love this post!! Happily ever as is!
Thepostcardjournals.blogspot.com
Great post, so well written! Excited to be happily ever as is today 🙂
xoxo
http://www.thebouquineuse.blogspot.com
I've got to work on this as I too seem to always be working towards the future and lamenting the past. I do love disney princesses and although I've never dreamed of having an ending like theirs, I must say that I've had my own "happily ever after" in mind. But you're right: i need to work on being happy as I am and not as I think I should be.
xoxo
Hannah
http://www.troispetitesfilles3.blogspot.com
love this! im trying to live in the moment and stop trying to plan the future. xo jillian – cornflake dreams
Carly,
This is wonderful, and such a fresh take on Valentine's Day. You're right – either the day is filled with snarky comments or commercialization and frantic men. Living in the present is the way to go!
Happy Valentine's Day!
xx,
Rachel
Suppose Anything Goes
I couldn't agree more! It is always best to be happy in the moment and look forward to the future, but not obsess over it! Happy Valentine's Day!
Hunter
Prep on a Budget
Wow, this is very diplomatic of you, covering all the bases of relationship statuses. But as I like to often quote the GIRLS taglines, more like "happily whatever after."
Your Friend, Jess
Great post!
It always breaks my heart to hear people dread this day the way soooo many people do. I always felt lucky to have had parents who, at an early age emphasized the importance of LOVE on Valentine's Day, not exclusion, not pairing off, not having a significant other, not a hot date, but love and how lucky I was to have it and how easy it was to give it. It truly made the rest of my Valentine's Days (mostly spent single) so special b/c it made me stop and think about no matter how ho hum my life seemed I was lucky to have and be loved and it made me want to go out and show the people I loved how much. Now I have a husband, son and dog but I always remember my 4 favorite Valentines; Mom, Dad & 2 Sisters!
May this Valentine's Day bring you all the love your heart can hold!
~B
Happy Valentine's Day, Carly! I hope that you enjoy your day doing whatever it is that makes you truly happy 🙂
XX, SS || seersuckersass.blogspot.com
I seriously loved this! I'm feeling this mindset so much lately. it's sooo easy to get caught up in the future/past and living for the present is a lot harder than it sounds, but it is so true and something I've been working on for the past few months. loved this post and happy valentines day!!
This is so true! We need to be comfortable with ourselves and not worry about the future! We can choose to be happy now!
Soo important! I think that life events happen when you stop searching for them. Instead focus on making yourself happy! Awesome post.
-Alex
http://www.monstermisa.blogspot.com/
I love this post! It's definitely important to stop and smell the roses while you can 🙂
-Regina
preppy-go-lucky.blogspot.com
I moved this past November and it was a fresh start for me. I started school to get a degree in something I'm passionate about. I've found a part-time job I love. I'm growing my freelance business and learning new skills, both in class and on my own. I live in a city that's within a few hours' drive of tons of cool spots. I'm finally, after a lot of years, excited about life again. I moved to a place where I knew people, but those friendships have changed, some for the better, some not so much, but I've also made new friends and become way less fearful about putting myself out there to make connections. It's been awesome to finally feel settled in my life. I'm not settling, but I feel like I could do this for a long time to come.
well said. especially the line about how all these present moments add up to make your past, never really thought of it like that but you are right. Better enjoy now because 'now' will be over soon and as much as possible it is would be better to have a happy memory then a sad once, as you are right they do add up and can shape us.
"With relationships in particular (romantic and friendships), I have found that frantically guessing what the future holds is the best and most efficient way to sabotage it."
Yes, yes, a thousand times: YES.