Becoming a mom, no matter how that looked, has always been something I wished for. It sounds dramatic and maybe not even the most “2021” thing to say, but I genuinely feel like motherhood is a calling. I vividly remember going to visit my mom in the hospital to see my little sister Stacy for the first time. At two and a half, I didn’t exactly have the vocabulary to know what I was feeling, but my memories were something akin to feeling responsible for her, like she was my own.
And I’ve just always been drawn to caregiving for babies and children. I started as a mother’s helper in fifth grade when my sister’s best friend’s family had a newborn. Then my best friend and I would babysit one of our teacher’s daughter together in sixth grade. And by seventh grade, I was fully on my own babysitting my neighbor’s newborn son, and then their two daughters, too.
I did question motherhood when I was in my early 20s… but looking back, I think I just didn’t feel “settled” in that age and was going through an identity crisis of living this city-life that I was, on paper, I was supposed to love. In reality, it just wasn’t for me. It’s not as sexy, but I just know I’m 1,000% happier in the suburbs and once I left the city, the desire for children returned with no doubt.
WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO
The fact that I am going to have my dream baby this August…. I’m just in disbelief, really. It’s been something I wanted for so long, I can’t believe it’s happening. I wake up every morning and just rub my stomach and think, “Hi, I can’t wait to meet you.”
I’ve been in full-blown day-dreaming mode lately. I’m so curious about our child. What life will look like; how their personality will bloom; what they will look like. It just fills me with joy thinking of all the wonderful things-to-be.
When I’m driving around town, I find myself thinking about the baby the most. I think it’s because I’m alone in the car and I feel this very selfish thrill that I’m not actually alone and that the baby is right there with me, and only me. It’s gotten even more intense because we found out the sex of the baby last week (!!!) and now my brain is in overdrive getting excited for the future! Sometimes I am so caught up in day dreaming that I don’t even remember what happened in my audiobook and have to rewind to get back up to speed.
Anyway… There’s SO MUCH I can’t wait for, but I wanted to share some of the fun little things I’m looking forward to.
– Fuzzy baby head:
This is so random and may not even make sense typing it out. Whenever I hold a baby (literally any baby), I just have this overwhelming urge to kiss and nuzzle their head. I just love that sweet fuzzy baby head feeling. 😅 There are so many pictures of me holding my sister just nuzzling her head. (Okay confirmed, this sounds crazy typing it out.) When we saw the baby in the 12-week scan, my first thought was that the head looked so perfect and I just wanted to kiss it!
– Long walks:
My daily walks are something I cherish so much. The dogs and I love getting out there and pounding the pavement. Now every time we go out, I just can’t stop thinking about having a baby in a stroller join the crew.
– Family dinners:
When I think about the traditions I want to do with our family, I always think about how they don’t need to be grand gestures. We ate dinner together every single night, really no matter what (even if it was 15 minutes between my sister’s soccer practice and my crew practice). Excited to do that with our family, too.
– School carpool:
Right now the local schools are all on different schedules with COVID/virtual learning. I always find myself stuck in school traffic. And it dawned on me a couple of weeks ago that at some point I’ll be one of the cars lined up to pick up our kid! Oh, I can’t wait for alllll the minute details of the school day.
– Reading together:
Mike and I both love to read, and I’m thinking about how I hope we can nurture our child’s love of reading too!
– Play groups:
I assume these are still a thing? Or will be once life gets back to normal? Music classes, little events at the library, meeting up at the park.
– Vacations as a family:
Maybe this is the lack of vacations from the pandemic, but I’m totally looking forward to family vacations. Trips to the beach, the lake, and the mountains for skiing.