A mix of the pandemic and the winter and then the first trimester of pregnancy has left me feeling depleted. I’m not even really overwhelmed… I’m just drained. I had a little bit of a breakdown recently where I realized I was at the very end of my rope. I think it was a mix of frustration and depletion. The pandemic wall.
(I should add the disclaimer here that I feel incredibly, incredibly lucky to be in the position I’m in right now. While I was pretty sick through the first trimester, it’s been an otherwise straightforward and easy pregnancy. We have not had anyone close to us get seriously sick from COVID. We both have our jobs and can easily and safely work from home with no problems. And we haven’t had to worry about working while doing virtual school or raising children during a pandemic. It’s not lost on me.)
MAKING THINGS EASIER
In a lot of ways, my introverted personal preferences for living life lent itself just fine to quarantining and social distancing. But after a year? I finally feel it taking its toll. I miss seeing my friends in person– my local friends are either out of state right now. And it’s also just super cold and hard to socialize safely and comfortably outdoors. I really miss my family, especially now that I’m pregnant. With the winter in full swing, I feel more cooped up inside. I also think being sick for months really wore me down. Now that I’m finally feeling a little better, I know I was just not in a great mental state feeling so ill.
More than ever, I feel myself needing to cut some corners and be okay with letting things go. I don’t need to try to accomplish everything under the sun. I had gotten really down on myself with negative self-talk about a month ago, which prompted me to restart therapy asap. And I know it was a mix of things, including hormones and just the general pandemic wall everyone is facing and having some unhealthy habits with comparison on Instagram…. but one of the biggest things to come out of it was that I realized that I had to give myself permission to drop a few balls. And recognize that it’s not the end of the world. The only person expecting me to do everything… was me.
I know I can’t be the only one taking shortcuts, especially right now. I can’t tell if this is a really stupid blog post or not, but I’m really just curious because I feel like it can’t be just me. So I thought I’d share some of the ways I’m making life a little easier… and I’d love to hear any advice, tips, or hacks you have too.
MEAL KITS
I’ve done meal kits in the past and really enjoyed the convenience. (I credit the first experience I had with actually teaching me how to feel confident cooking honestly. I never enjoyed cooking, but meal kits make it easy to learn new skills.) Between various moves, I stopped… and now we’re doing it again. In large part, because of the pandemic. The “what should we have for dinner” question was starting to drive me mad. Mike loves to cook but in an effort to help split the responsibility, I do the meal kit preparations as my contribution. It has made such a huge difference. I love knowing three meals every week are covered by me, Mike does a couple, and then we do takeout on the remaining night(s).
WEEKENDS OFF
I implemented this “rule” a few years ago after burning myself out. I still experience quite a lot of guilt over it. Because I can always be on and always work, it felt like I should always be on and always be working. But it wasn’t sustainable. It’s hard because my job is largely sharing my life and by taking weekends essentially off, I am doing nearly 30% less than what I could. However, I know I’m better working during the week and have more to bring to the table overall because I’ve allowed myself two days to step away. Being “on” 24/7 is not healthy and it’s worth that 30% sacrifice to me.
CLEANERS
I had been so reluctant to get house cleaners…. but about midway through the pandemic, I finally hired a small, local team. We had them coming twice a month and because they were a team, they could be in and out of our house in under 90 minutes. It’s a little too challenging right now during the winter with both Mike and I working from home so I paused it. (Neither of us felt comfortable being in the house due to the pandemic. So it was difficult to coordinate logistics of work schedules and where we could go for the 90 minutes.)
I can’t wait to resume though. It just made the world of difference. We still did a lot of daily chores, obviously, as twice a month isn’t enough to keep your house clean. But the service meant we were getting a thorough deep clean that made the in between time a lot more manageable.
ENJOYING BORING TASKS
Okay, I have just felt totally uninspired to do any of the boring tasks that I have to do. I just don’t want to. Emptying the dishwasher. Folding laundry. Sorting mail and opening packages. Whatever. To combat this, I’ve been listening to audiobooks during everything. I pop my headphones in if Mike’s around so he is not subjected to whatever chapter I’m in the middle of, and feel like I’m doing two productive things. The enjoyment I get from the audiobook cancels out whatever annoyance of the task at hand is. The real “hack” (lol, I don’t know that it counts as a hack) is that if I am super into the audiobook, I’ll find myself searching for small tasks to do so I can squeeze in an extra ten or fifteen minutes of listening.
THANKING ME
In a similar vein, I have gotten in the habit of doing tasks as a gift to my future self. It sounds crazy, but trust me it works. For someone reason, tricking myself into doing something that I know I’ll appreciate later as a “gift” to my future self, makes it so. much. easier. to do in the first place. I always make sure to “thank” my previous self down the road when I’m grateful for something done.
It first occurred to me to do this when I could not for the life of me remember if I set up automatic recurring payments for this one estimated tax for the state of New Jersey. I couldn’t find any email confirmation in my inbox. But I had a vague memory of setting it up… just couldn’t fully remember if I had. I found a perfectly labeled screenshot of the confirmation in the folder I use for tax related stuff on my computer. And I was so grateful I had thought to take that screenshot 18 months prior because it saved me a huge headache. So now when I’m doing something that takes extra time or feels like a slight annoyance in the moment. But I know I will appreciate the extra effort for making my future life a little easier, I do it as a gift to myself!
Definitely tried to make things easier on ourselves during the pandemic. I don’t think there’s any shame, as everyone is going through a lot. I used to pack my lunch for work every night before, but now I just make it during lunch time since we’re at home anyways. I also stopped premaking any breakfast things (hardboiled eggs) and just assemble breakfast in the morning from things on hand (usually apples, sliced meats, cheese etc).
Can relate so much to what you wrote about on today’s post. I totally didn’t find it to be a stupid entry. After nearly a year of living this new to us lifestyle of being home all day everyday, totally taking shortcuts and changing the narrative that it’s okay to do X. Like it’s okay that I delayed chores today, and instead spent time with my family. I ended up doing chores after my kiddo went to bed because I love waking up Monday morning to a tidy home. It’s not clean like I did prepandemic bc it’s hard to keep a clean home with a 5 year old who is home with working from home parents, but I can give myself grace that the house is picked up. I also always talk about how my future self thanks my current self for making her life easier. Like current me stayed up to clean up because I know my future Monday morning self will totally be happy to walk downstairs to a picked up home.
Also, audio books are totally helpful for doing little chores because you totally keep doing more chores when a book is really good and you want to continue listening.
I’ve noticed you adding disclaimers in a number of your posts that you are privileged during this time of the pandemic, do you feel like you have to add it so the internet trolls don’t attack you?
I think everyone has had a hard time during this pandemic to varying degrees. I appreciate your honesty. Your blog has helped get me through my own life during the pandemic. Thank you!!!
Goal for this week: thanking my previous self!
I loved this post and will definitely try your last tip, it sounds really helpful!
Great tips, Carly! We got a roomba to help us keep up with vacuuming (who knew working from home would require SO MUCH MORE cleaning?!) and it’s been our best purchase of the year, for sure. Just tell roomba to vacuum and check it off your list!
I also feel the burden of needing to share cooking responsibilities. I’m in healthcare and my partner works from home, so he typically ends up doing most of the cooking. For my contribution, I make a huge meal on Sunday night that I know will make enough leftovers to cover another night’s dinner that week (or, at the very least, some of his lunches so he can just reheat!). Very curious to see other tips and tricks people have! 🙂
A robot vacuum is life-changing! Be sure to get one that has a long battery life as they generally take a long time to charge. You don’t want to wait for it to re-charge in the middle of cleaning.
Loved this post, Carly. And I agree audio books and dishes… the best hack.
This is a great post, thank you! Feeling similarly and I’m putting much faith in spring weather 😊
Carly- that uninspired to do the small chores. Totally me too. I feel the same way about being grateful but feeling adrift. I work in the events industry and so many of my friends and colleagues are out of work. I’m so grateful to be working so I feel like I can’t get frustrated or need to feel excited everyday. I’m learning feelings are feelings so whatever situation you’re in, it’s okay to feel them!
I bet 80% of your feelings are pregnancy and the other 20% pandemic. I have a lot of kids and pregnancy, hormones and actual survival instinct, depropritizes everything and you are driven to rest rest rest. If you are a higher strung driven person this then brings on guilt or self-condemnation. For those who arent driven, it often does not and they love the extra rest. At some point the drive to rest becomes drive to nest and you do get energy but again its typically for the home fires. Sounds like you figured it out and are making life easy on yourself!!!!
You need to give yourself a break! A big long break! I hope you will smile at yourself in the mirror. Be kind to yourself. I’m sending you the warmest wishes! Denise
Thinking of you Carly!! I’m ready for spring and brighter days ahead too!
http://www.elspethsdaybyday.com
I have adopted the same mindset! Things I have done recently that “old me” would have thought was lazy but that have made such a difference:
– getting a roomba! 100% worth it, especially with dogs
-meal prep service- I was so against this but it is convenient and I feel like I waste less food
-house cleaners- I finally caved and the once a month deep cleaning has been excellent! We are at home when they come but they always mask up and we aren’t in the same room at the same time so it feels safe. And there is nothing better than having someone else mop your floors LOL
Thank you for this post, Carly!!! Between hitting the year mark, living in a city with no car (so no easy access to hiking), starting a new position in January, and a sudden loss in my family, I’ve been struggling. Similar to you, I’ve been trying to find little ways to make my life that much easier. I’ll go to the smaller but closer grocery store even if it’s a little expensive so I don’t have to walk 1.5 miles round-trip sometimes. I’ve actually been leaving work on time (there’s a big culture of just working to work at my company) when I’ve finished for the day. We finally had our first 60-degree day recently and getting out for a walk made such a difference!
Ah I absolutelty cannot stand the “culture of just working to work” thing! It makes me so angry I can’t even. It’s so much more about the outcome than the time spent sitting at a desk and it just drives me crazy that the opposite seems to be the norm
Loved this post! I have been considering trying meal kits for a while, but was not sure how healthy/tasty they actually are. With my new work schedule, I am crazy busy, but do not want to eat easy junk food every day either. What meal kits have you liked so far?
I loved this post. If the short cuts are making your days brighter and more manageable, you may have been taking the long way before! 💚
We’ve been doing Home Chef! There are over 20 meals to choose from, with varying levels of difficulty and healthiness. Which I like the options!
I could not agree more with audiobooks making boring tasks enjoyable! We moved over the summer, so I finally got a new library card last week. Since then, I have been listening to an audiobook while cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, watering plants, walking the dog… basically non-stop!!!
Not a stupid blog post at all!! So relatable!
This reminded me of a gift I gave my self when I was pregnant. I made several easy freezer meals ahead like the month before my due date( make things that freeze well) so I would have some easy comfort meals to pull out after the baby wasborn the first week. Best gift to myself.
Yes to making things easier! I recently started ordering meal kits because I have decision fatigue and needed something in life to be easier for us. Do I love the food? No. But it takes a lot of stress away for me. Another thing that has helped me is setting timers for things. Fifteen minutes of tidying get a lot done and then I don’t have to think about it. It is, as you said, a gift to my future self!
Hang in there with the pregnancy. It really takes a lot out of you, even if you are feeling less sick.
Sydney on SummerWind recently posted a happies type list, and it got me thinking of the own simple pleasures that bring me joy. Now on days where I feel a little down, I refer to the list and try and add something, almost becomes a challenge for. 🙂
Audiobooks have been the only thing getting me to do the dishes!! It was getting so bad my motivation was non-existent but audiobooks have helped so much and I do so much more cleaning since I got into them.
Love the audiobook/podcast hack, I used to haaaaate doing dishes (I mean I still do) and putting up laundry but it’s a lot easier when I listen to Bad on Paper or I just started Obama’s book which is 30 hours, lol. It’s crazy that it’s almost been a year. I remember March 13th being the last day I was in the office and being so excited to work from home the next week… HA. I have also been wanting to try a meal kit so am considering it now!
wow does this post resonate with me.. I agree with your suggestions..and I love the “thanking me” one.. little things like stopping to get gas for my car on the same home, even when I am super tired and late, is so worth it the next morning, when its cold and dark and I don’t have to stop! I thank myself everytime! I have been trying so hard to keep my travel blog up and running, while teaching full time, and I have had to “pivot ” (overused word!) and have created local food trails.. this has been a lot of (safe) fun for my family and allowed us to support local restaurants and led to tons of new places we love! I will also add doing something little for someone else always puts me in a good mood.. I know you do this with volunteering at the food pantry, but adding things like dropping of a treat for a friend..even letting a car cross traffic on a busy road lifts my mood.. and seeing others who do acts of kindness motivates me to try and do more myself
Sending you virtual hugs. It can be so hard to be pregnant during a pandemic when you aren’t around the people you love. I found last year when I was struggling during my pregnancy to document how I was feeling via vlog. I never published them. It was a way for me to unload how I was feeling without any biased oppinions.
Yes!!!! This is why I’ve found therapy to be so helpful honestly. I started thinking my stress from one source and quickly realized I was just dealing with a lot of mental baggage re: the pregnancy. It’s been so helpful.
I’m gonna butcher this.. I’m sure there’s a reader that knows the exact article or video I’m talking about and hopefully they link it. But essentially this woman (I don’t even remember who) was discussing this exact thing. Feeling all the pressure of juggling everything.
She said something that totally changed my life and my ability to have grace for myself. Picture all the things you’re juggling as balls. Some glass (the really important stuff – your top priorities) and some plastic (things you’d like to get done, but things won’t fall apart if they don’t). Sometimes in order to keep juggling and saving the glass balls, you have to let the plastic ones fall. Pick them up later when you can, but give yourself grace about it.
Not nearly as eloquent as her expression, but that’s the gist. It’s been so helpful for me during this season. Hope it helps you (and maybe some other readers) as well!
Yes! Not sure I saw a video but I did see this tweet thread a few months ago: https://twitter.com/jenlynnbarnes/status/1220182162118451200?lang=en You just reminded me of it, it’s definitely something I have to remind myself of.
I can relate to this so much. I discussed pretty in depth with my therapists. I am currently a senior in college and that comes with it’s own load of issues. A big area of my life I recently cut was cooking. Cooking and grocery shopping for one has always been tricky. I let myself last week so wild in the prepared/frozen foods at Trader Joe’s. It did make a huge difference in my week, just one less thing on my plate.
I also live with 6 roommates and letting myself relax alone has been a major development. Realizing that even though I spend most of my day in my room alone, it’s not the same as reading a book or watching TV alone. It’s really been about giving myself grace with socializing or “being on”.
That is a big one for me, too! I’m a college student living at home with my parents, so I often feel bad for not spending time with them after dinner or other times we used to hang out when I was in high school, but I have to remind myself that just because I’m home, I’m still working hard and deserve to give myself time to relax by myself.
The first few months of the pandemic I was working 12+ hour days constantly – my company (justifiably) felt like the world was going to end and we were all trying to save our jobs. This left me feeling so drained and miserable with no time to decompress. I have adjusted a lot since then and recently I have been trying to schedule sessions of “Deep Work” for maybe 4 hours during the work day that allows me to hopefully accomplish a typical 8-hour work day worth of work in a smaller amount of time. I do this from 9amto1pm and then from 1pm to 5 or 6 I can work without feeling so much pressure or drain for the remainder of the day (if that makes any sense). During the first half of the day, my phone is out of sight, my headphones are off and I am just going down the list!
This is a really great idea, and I am going to try it tomorrow! I’ve been so burnt out I have a hard time focusing on anything, despite sitting at my desk for 8+ hrs/day.
Amen! I / we do these. And while I do this too, it’s okay to be overwhelmed even while thankful. No need to apologize to anyone / yourself. You’re being pushed to a new /different limit and that’s hard. I tell myself this often even as I try to practice gratitude 😃.
I also unapologetically close for business at 7:30 pm, most days. Trying to curb my Instagram habit though. 🙂
This post really resonates with me. Like you we’re very privileged – my son doesn’t fight doing his school work, my husband and I are both able to work from home. I often think if I’m struggling how must other people feel! One thing I’ve done is to do takeout more often. I have two boys and often let them pick. Just having a peaceful meal without hearing arguing about not liking what’s for dinner and not having to clean the kitchen afterwards makes the end of the day more relaxing. I’ve also started doing this thing with my kids where I set my timer in the morning for 15 minutes and I tell them they can’t bother me until the timer goes off and I try and drink my coffee and relax in peace…it works about 50% of the time.
Spring is coming! Let’s all prepare to turn up the music (Jimmy Buffet perhaps/), eat some really great food from the garden, watch movies outside and enjoy the sun.
Another great post! And I loved reading all the comments. So many helpful tips. And if it gives you any extra peace about taking weekends off, as an avid blog reader who has turned my Feedly list into a “to-do” and who feels *compelled* to read every last post, I’m sometimes glad when a blogger I follow doesn’t post anything over the weekend. Haha. : )
“Thanking” my future self has always been my TOP motivator. It’s way easier to do the banal tasks if I feel like I’m doing it for someone else (future me) versus myself in the moment.
I also have a philosophy that I if I have productive impulses, I should ride it out IMMEDIATELY. If it’s 10PM and I suddenly want to clean my bathroom or a Sunday afternoon I suddenly want to donate old clothes, I do it. I know it’s because it’s a rare moment I’ll enjoy the task, and it always makes me feel good.
Finally, I sometimes will make myself skip a daily task or item on my to-do list. This could be meditation, reading, cleaning, or even flossing. I can (personally) can get obsessive about always crossing off my to-do list for personal tasks. If I make myself skip it, I find I enjoy the task more the next day and return to it when I feel good instead of forcing myself!
I so agree with this idea about following productive impulses! For me it is about organizing. I just note when an area needs a little organizing (mudroom, spices, kids crafts, etc.) and I never force myself to do it. Instead, whenever I get the organizing impulse I just go with it. Everything flows so much better! This happens every few weeks, and it makes things so much more manageable.
It is a small thing, but I’ve been wondering about how to incorporate more of these impulses/knowing/flow into my day-to-day life.
I’m surprised no one else has brought this up (so I hope I’m not the only one! haha) but doing a proper sweaty workout 3x/week during this time has gone out the window for me. More power to the folks who can keep up a consistent home workout routine, but it just hasn’t happened for me. My apt is small and the winter hasn’t helped with motivation! Instead of beating myself up, I am doing a few workout “hacks” – notably, I bought arm and ankle weights and will wear them on walks and even when I’m doing chores around the house. If I’m on the phone I’ll do some arm exercises. And if I can muster up the energy to do a 20-minute Pilates video once or twice a week then I call it a win. Just trying to accept that I’ll do what I can in this category right now and that warmer days (aka bike rides, hikes!) are not too far off!
I’m coming up on almost a year of working from home and although I am so thankful that I have been able to keep my job and spend an extra 7 months at home with my daughter that I wouldn’t have had if I’d gone back to work at the office, I’m also an extravert and miss seeing friends and traveling.
I’ve allowed myself to be sad about missing out on things like having a baby shower and being able to take my daughter places and introduce her to family. I’ve also tried to take advantage of things I couldn’t do at work, like lighting a bougie candle at my desk while I work. At the end of the day, though, as much as we try to do to stay positive and grateful, it’s still hard and I’ve come to realize it’s ok to not be ok with it all the time.
This post inspired me to look into getting a housecleaner. I found one who is really affordable and she will be coming once a month to clean during the rest of my pregnancy (I’m 17 weeks). I’m SO excited. Thanks for the push.
omg ENJOY IT!
Carly you are an inspiration in abundance.
The perseverance to work this immense dedication leaves me super geared up and gives me a push to work.
I had come across your blog a couple of months ago when I had just begun with my journey towards blogging and it all appeared complex and vague.
But going through your blog uplifted me and wiped my glass to have a cleae view of how things go in blogging.
Keep up the great work Carly and yeah I loved the change from prepster to Riordan.
Congratulations New Super Mom!
I loved this, Carly! Making things easier on myself isn’t something I’ve actively thought about over the past year necessarily, but this post has made me quite reflective. Very inspirational! <3