I always find that most of life’s changes happen so slowly you don’t even realize there’s movement until you turn around and find yourself in a completely new place. Spinning around, you might find yourself in awe of how far you’ve come or how far you’ve strayed. It’s one of the benefits– but also pitfalls– of life. That change can happen without you even realizing. Sometimes I’ve looked back and realized that a slew of choices led me down a not-so-great path. But in this case, today… I turned around and saw that I had come so far in just a year.
Let’s start with where I was in June 2013. To sum it up in two words, I was extremely exhausted and utterly overwhelmed. I was still an employee at my job and working on my blog at night. Both were really important to me and I was attempting to do the impossible by essentially working 18+ hours a day. I essentially was napping every night and burning the candle on both ends of the stick. I actually quit my job so I could pursue other offers that were on the table. Without going into the details, I was pressured to stay… which I did… but only for a few more months. June was horrible and the opposite of what I thought I should be doing and what I thought my post-grad life in NYC would be. Buried under the exhaustion, I was definitely on my way towards depression. (In this case, being overwhelmed helped probably because I didn’t have time to even think about how I wasn’t in the place I wanted to be in.)
When I finally put my foot down and actually left my job, a whole new world opened up to me. It wasn’t the easiest of transitions, but I knew in my heart– I could sincerely feel it– that I was back on the right track. I adjusted to working from my bedroom. I adjusted to not having a steady paycheck. I adjusted to pushing myself and praising myself. I adjusted to a crazy travel schedule, having a new puppy, having a real boyfriend for the first time. I adjusted to sleeping regular hours (this took a solid three months, I swear) and having more time to just do nothing (a novel concept).
Fast forward to right now and I am so happy that I’m happy. While I still cry, it’s almost always because I’m in the middle of a laughing fit. I love starting my mornings slowly with a long walk with Teddy and then a cup of coffee and quality reading time. I love the projects that I’m working on and how much I’m learning throughout the processes.
I’ve actually taken this month even slower than normal and it’s been a wonderful few weeks to reflect and regroup preparing for July and beyond. I can only hope that this is the direction I will continue to go on through next year. I hope I’ll remember how much can change and not worry so much about little bumps steering me in one direction or another… the path is the right path. (I do believe I needed to get to that low point last year to push myself to make the best– and right– choices for myself in the long run!)
It’s very simply the opposite of where I was last year. Oh, what a year.