PS I’ve marked her book The Meaning of Sunglasses: And a Guide to Almost All Things Fashionable as to-read!
One thing that’s great about working in an office full of women, we’re all on the same page when it comes to certain things. Dating, for instance, is something we all agree with. Those in relationships remark that they’re happy they don’t have to deal with dating and those that are single-and-ready-to-mingle always seem to have battle scars and horror stories to discuss every day over lunch.
This week, we’ve been passing around a copy of British Vogue to all read this article written by Hadley Freeman. It’s called “Single Minded.” (See if you can get your hands on a copy of it or you can download the July Vogue App!)
It is a refreshing read.
Even though I only touch on my dating life from time to time it’s actually kind of a big part of my life. Since moving to NYC, I’ve done the drinksafterwork thing, walked out on a terrible date, been set up by friends, had a dinner that didn’t even get through ordering food (mutually decided upon), rekindled old flings, and maybe only once was there actually something there with someone.
We met in a business meeting (shhh…) and started talking a little bit and eventually went out to dinner. I would be absolutely lying if I was smitten after the first five minutes. (The first four minutes, were a blur of anxiety and nerves!) But he was so sweet! And funny. And okay with my craziness. (My only dating tip that I feel like I’m qualified enough to give out: Always be yourself upfront and without reservations. Don’t hold back.)
Somehow it worked even though we’re super different. It was honestly the first time (ever?) where I felt genuinely excited about dating in general. Spontaneous plans went from being something I typically dreaded to something that I was thoroughly giddy about. He was fine with the fact that when I told him I was making dinner I was actually ordering from Seamless. He was fine with the fact that I talk super fast when I get overly excited. He was fine with the fact that I am super particular about things in my apartment. (Oh, and I was fine with the fact that he lives in Brooklyn.)
But somewhere between travel schedules and work events and job promotions (literally within a week of each other) and commitments with our friends… it just fizzled. And not in a depressing way (although maybe it was a little disappointing?), it just happened. Mutually.
We were gchatting the other day and the “What actually happened…” conversation came up.
What happened? We didn’t prioritize each other. We both prioritized our careers.
It’s weird because as I watch my other friends fall into relationships, I think that that’s what I want. But maybe it’s not actually what I want. It’s what I’m told (from movies and television and Society and friends and family members and that tiny voice in the back of my head) to want.
And maybe we’re told that we shouldn’t just want it… we need it.
But do we?
The “Single Minded” article was the first time where I’d really been forced to think about what I wanted and what I needed.
What I’ve briefly constructed in my head so far is that I would like to ultimately have a family, but I don’t want to be so focused on it-absolutely-has-to-happen-or-my-life-has-no-real-meaning. Because my life is and will continue to be meaningful with or without a significant other.
… and I’m young and learning and growing. And, bottom line, it’s okay to not prioritize that right now.