Sometimes I go to write a post and the words just spill onto the paper (or keyboard I guess). I know exactly what I want to say and how to say it. I’ve probably mulled over specific sentences in my head weeks in advance so when I actually sit down to type, my fingers know exactly what to say.
Other times I sit down and the words just don’t come along. I can feel what I want to say, but can’t quite find the phrasing that matches the emotion. When this happens, I might put the idea on the backburner or I might abandon the idea altogether.
I’m in that spot right now, but I want to try my best to capture everything I’m feeling (because I have a suspicion that I’m not alone).
Friendships are something that I value so incredibly much. Maintaining great friendships is both challenging and easy. It’s really like any relationship– it takes work and you have to put in the time and energy. But when you’ve got a girl (or a guy) who is that valuable, it’s worth the extra effort. Surface level effort = surface level friendships.
Now, I think you need all kinds of friends. You need your work buddies. Your gym friends. Your let’s-just-have-a-good-time friends. Those might be a bit easier to maintain because they don’t require too much.
Right now I’m talking about the friendships that require bonsai-tree like care. Deep-rooted friendships mean everything to me. And I have to say, my friends might just be the best in the world.
I’ve been through a lot with my friends. Whether they’re sitting right next to me while we vent about breakups, job struggles, frustrations or celebrating promotions, accomplishments, and proud moments together. We might be on Skype or Facetime going on hour three of a conversation that has wound its way through every detail of a recent event. Sometimes even just knowing I can call them is enough. (And, of course, I hope they know I’m always just one phone call away too!)
I’m probably in a unique position in that most of my closest friends are not actually geographically close to me. My dream would be to have all of my girlfriends together in one room as many have never even met each other. Isn’t that weird?! I have friends from all walks of life and, having officially lived in six states + D.C., I have accumulated friends from all over. They’re in California, Colorado, D.C., Boston, Florida, Alabama, Chicago, Connecticut, Rhode Island, South Carolina, and NYC. Thank goodness for the internet because it does make things a lot easier, although I still advocate for “real” time together. Luckily all of us end up traveling quite a bit and we still have a way of making time for each other, even if it means going out of our way a little bit.
My friends are always on my mind, but for the past few weeks, they’ve been at the TOP of my mind. They’re buying homes, writing books, launching businesses, getting engaged, getting married, having babies. It’s INSANE and I am just over the moon happy for everyone. Is there nothing greater than watching someone you love just knock it out of the park in life?!?
For the most part, I buy into the idea that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. But right now? I feel like I’m the friend that’s dragging down the average. I have so many emotions right now with all of my friends and I have also been pretty honest with myself about what I feel in the process. Without a doubt, I am so, so proud and happy for everyone. And I’m also probably not the happiest with where I am. It’s not a jealousy issue and I really don’t believe that life should be lived as some sort of comparison game. But I have been in a funky little spot and it can be tough to watch other people, even my closest of friends, taking big leaps forward.
One big thing has been the new apartment. I don’t love it and the issues with it keep mounting. I try to keep things positive on my blog and social media, but these apartment issues have been really getting to me. I didn’t love the apartment when we first toured and got talked into it a little bit. The location is definitely amazing in relation to restaurants and proximity to the city and having a backyard has been great, but there isn’t much natural light. We’re also sandwiched between schools and classes walk to and from the playground every twenty minutes all day long. It doesn’t bother me, but the dogs go CRAZY from the six hours of near-constant foot traffic and by proxy, I go crazy myself working from home. We have had leaks (they’re ongoing issues), smoke detectors sealed in ceilings, and a dryer that is sealed in a closet and ruining clothes. These are “champagne problems” for sure and it’s not like it’s unlivable conditions, but it has been wearing on me. Having a sense of “home” is paramount to my feeling of security and even more so because I’m a true homebody. And with water pooling in the bedroom during a rainstorm, it just doesn’t totally feel like a home yet.
I’m also at probably another crossroads with the business end of my blog where I’m getting close to needing to hire another person. I’m not 100% sure what that role is, but I can feel that it’s coming. As rewarding as it is to provide a job for someone, it comes with a giant amount of responsibility. I’m not too far from my ten year anniversary of blogging and it’s crazy how far I’ve come from writing posts as a creative outlet in my dorm room to a fully functioning business. The blog is my JOB and, yet, because it’s a business most of what I do during the day isn’t blogging at all. Someone recently sent me some constructive criticism about how it felt like I was phoning it in on my blog and it’s tough because this is what you see and behind the scenes is really where I spend 95% of my time. Not because I want to, but because I have to. Sometimes I’m barely keeping my head above the water back there.
One great thing about having friends who are killing it in life? It’s constant inspiration. I’m motivated by their drive and dedication and find myself wanting to do more to be a better person… and friend. Life if a series of ebbs and flows and I have a feeling I’ll be moving forward in my life at a time when one of my friends might be feeling a little stuck. Right now I’m the stuck one, but I keep reminding myself that it’s only temporary. Having friends to keep you moving forward or to give you a little boost now and then is just the best.