As I approach the six year mark of my blog, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. I was thinking about how blogging has changed, which led me to really start to recognize how much I have changed.
There are countless things I love about blogging and that I love about The College Prepster; one of those things is that it has turned into a sort of record (albeit public) of the ups and downs of my life over the past six years. I have never been consistent about writing diary entries, as much as I have attempted in the past. But there was something about this blog, something different, that kept me going and sticking with it.
Change is certainly one of those things that happens right under our noses. Occasionally, we have the moments where the rug is pulled out from under us or we have to make a defined decision or we embark on a very specific journey that signals change. For the most part, however, change is slow. A sneaky thing that lurks around in our lives as we go about, well, living.
I’m glad that at the beginning, no one was reading. I think it made me way more comfortable about the whole “public” element. As a result, I’ve shared a lot over the years. The archive of my blog can be an emotional place for me. I can go back and revisit so much of the roller coaster. Sometimes I’ll stumble on an old post and be brought right back to that moment. There’s just something about rereading my own writing; I can remember everything about that moment, including where I was when I wrote it and how I was feeling at the time.
An unflattering photo, but I’ve been documenting the growth of my grey hair– inadvertently– over the years. I promise I’m not totally fixated on my grey hair, I just happen to notice it and it makes me think about aging and almost always sends me down this path of reflection. Case in point, this 2012 post.
25, so far, has been a good age so far. I feel 25. I used to always feel like I had one leg in childhood and another leg in my senior years; a grandma trapped in a prepubescent body. I think I was working so much right after college (that was a rough year), I didn’t have time to really let adulthood catch up with me. Now I feel it. I feel responsible and youthful at 25. Enough responsibility (a business, a dog) without tons of responsibility (I can still play hooky for a day, no mortgage, no children).
I truly feel like I’ve found, or at least continually attempt, balance in my life. I think back to the way I used to view work, as an obsession, a distraction, at times a self-punishment. Now, I view work as my job. It’s simply my job. I do my job… and I have a life. That release alone has brought me so much more happiness that I feel like I missed out on for quite some time.
There is, after all, a certain luxury of being 25. It’s been years since (reluctantly) declaring independence from my parents, so the shock factor of that has worn off. The constraints of the educational path (“you have to get a good SAT scores, you have to maintain a good GPA, you have to get into a good college”) have long been lifted. What felt like the end of a road, has been reevaluated as the beginning of a long one. I used to find decisions daunting and all-important, but with every choice I make, I realize it’s only choosing my next adventure, not choosing my own self-destruction. Life goes on, often unexpectedly, but it goes on!
I hope this post is one I can reflect on when I’m, say, 35 and can smile at. To remember being 25 as a time when I dutifully paid my taxes and binge-watched Gilmore Girls in its entirety. A time when I was learned how to cook in a tiny kitchen and indulged in Nutella by the spoonful for breakfast. A time when I impossibly knew everything and still, of course, knew nothing.