Anxiety

True Colors

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The strangest thing in the world is happening. I have figured out myself. At least little bit.
I sometimes feel like this is the senioritis in me speaking, but this is really happening.
(Of course, there are days when I feel completely and utterly unsure of who I am. But they’re vastly outnumbered by the good days!!!)
The signs have been there, but I just don’t think I was tuned into myself enough to see it. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Looking back I can totally see a positive transformation of myself, my behavior, my thoughts, and my actions.
It’s hard for me to really pinpoint exactly how I “know” myself– writing this post is difficult enough. Part of it is definitely me just embracing “me.” I recently finished The Happiness Project (College Prep Book Club) and in the book she kept saying to just “Be Gretchen.” I can definitely relate to that! 
Sometimes I hate that I’m intense. I hate that I’m so serious all the time. I hate that I’m average height. I hate that I’m worrying about at least three things at any given moment….
But…. 
I am intense. I am super serious. I am average height. And I do worry. Maybe this doesn’t seem like a huge breakthrough, but IT IS! In the past, I’ve wanted to force myself to be someone I’m not. (Remember when I tried to get rid of my crazies?
I definitely scare people (read: boys) off sometimes because of my intensity… but I’ve also met someone who loves that about me.  I am very serious and take myself and my work seriously… but I’ve been able to create amazing opportunities for myself because of it.  I worry a lot… but because I worry a lot, I know which risks are worth taking and which aren’t.
What I’ve found is that the more I embrace “Carly,” the more great opportunities come up, the more I achieve my goals, and (most importantly) the more I enjoy life. The things that made me me were the things I wish I could change the most… how awful is that? I wanted to strip myself down to mediocre, average, and… boring.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I’ll be Carly.
xoxo

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17 Comments

Amy

I love this post! This is a lesson I'm still working on learning myself… glad you're getting it figured out 🙂

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Chelsea Nicole

It's always nice to have these kinds of revelations. Once you truly embrace who you are nothing can stop you. Obviously you've already experienced this first hand!

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Maria

This is so amazing, Carly! It's so great to know that once you really figure out who you are and what you're good at that everything becomes so easy!

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Jennifer

I'm sure you've heard that quote… "Be yourself. No one else can do it better." For some reason that has really resonated with me as far as trusting myself to make the best decisions for my life and ambitions. I think it applies a lot to you too as a writer/blogger/overall creative person — simply because that uniqueness is exactly the thing that keeps you from blending in with all the others who try and ultimately fail, simply because they LACK that uniqueness. So, anyway, long story short — keep it up. We all love what you're doing. 🙂

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The Yuppie Files

I definitely started to go through the same thing my senior year of college- I think you find more direction, accept yourself more, & really learn who you are/who you want to me throughout your 20's. But in a good way, not the panicky teenage way 🙂

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emilialiveslife

Great, inspiring post. I definitely struggle to know myself and accept who that person is; I definitely need to work on "being Emilia". It's great to hear that you've come to figure out your own unique-ness and accept that. 🙂

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Tracy

I love (and needed) this post. I struggle with being a touch OCD and terribly Type A. it's good to know that others are in the same boat and I realize there's nothing wrong with me.

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Becky

I'm in the same boat as you! I have a super type-A personality. I want to go to medical school after college, and I've been doing everything I can to get in. I think people might find my intensity a little crazy, but I don't care. I've come to love the go-getter side of me 🙂

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Jordan - Queen of LA!

carly, i read your blog every day and rarely comment, but i just wanted to say good for you! im impressed by your hard work and dedication every time i read — you are making a name for yourself and your future will be brighter because of it! keep up the great work – i have been out of college for years but i love living vicariously through you!

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