I’m going to preface this entire post with a big disclaimer that I love being a mom. I love raising a child and feel like it’s one of the best privileges of my life. Now that we are fully into toddlerhood, though, I think there are elements of motherhood that are more demanding and more all encompassing than infancy.

One thing I’m hyper aware about is trying to still be myself, while also being a mom. It’s so, so easy to get sucked into the vortex of motherhood and lose your identity. Some days I feel it happening and while it’s such a humongous part of my life right now, I need to find time for myself in every day.

For a good 12-18 months, it felt like I had this little baby to care for and he was just along for the ride. Even though he’s only (almost) two, now he is definitely his own person with opinions and needs and wants. It’s more demanding, physically and emotionally, too. Sometimes I just want to crash into bed when he goes to bed and call it a day. But the time between his bedtime and my bedtime is probably when I get the most time for myself.

I saw a TikTok this week that talked about the dichotomy of motherhood. Being happy and sad. Being touched out and feeling lonely. Feeling euphoric and feeling overwhelmed. It’s a whole rollercoaster and so many truths can be true at the same time.

A friend recently texted me saying that she didn’t love motherhood like I loved motherhood. And…. (again…) while I truly do love it and would 100% not change it, there are things I desperately miss about my life before having a baby. I’m a pretty boring person and feel like I had a ton of great experiences in my 20s, so I don’t have a ton of regrets. Like I don’t have a desire to travel abroad a lot and don’t feel like I need to do crazy trips with a toddler in tow. I am grateful for where I am in my career and the foundation I laid for myself there.

What I really miss are the simplest things….

Getting into the car quickly… sitting in the house alone…. having all day to do nothing or to do everything…. working at a 100% capacity.

Feeling relaxed at the beach (or really any body of water)… not feeling guilty for really anything (mom guilt is intense)… making meals out of anything we have in the pantry (cereal? there’s dinner. cheese and crackers and a pickles? basically a lunchable).

I think ultimately it’s the luxury of only having to worry about myself and to have the freedom to be by myself often.

On a positive note though, the loss of freedom and flexibility has given me a much bigger appreciation for when I do get time to work and time to be alone and time to just worry about myself. It’s not that I took it granted before necessarily, I just couldn’t have known what I didn’t know!

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I feel every bit of this post! Thank you for putting it into words. Motherhood is so beautiful and so incredibly exhausting and trying all at once. The meal thing is so true, too! 🤣 I desperately want to just make nachos and call it a night but…no. Have a great week!


The meal thing will circle back around again, I promise! Teens love cereal for dinner! And now my 13 year old cooks too 🙂

Grace Morisseau

I saw a poignant sentiment once that you can love your child/children without loving motherhood. Obviously you can love both, and how wonderful! but I don’t think you could find anyone who loves both 100% all the time. It’s definitely not always black and white, but definitely important to consider. Thank you for being so vulnerable here!


Thank you for sharing this! While I’m a bit younger – and our friends aren’t having babies yet – toddlerhood has definitely made me feel like I’m losing myself in being a mom more and more.

I am pregnant with our second, which has left me with less capacity. Given the nature of what we’re doing, I’ve often given up my “me time” in favor of extra sleep or rest because it’s what my body needs.

I miss long, lazy weekend mornings where we don’t have to be up to make breakfast, deciding to just grab dinner after work, and the ability to just go see a movie without having to book a babysitter.

I know that it’s fleeting – that we won’t have babies for long, but man I have been missing this summer.

Thank you for sharing this <3


All so true! I have no idea who I am outside of being a mom. Like who was I before? Where did she go? Is she ever coming back? Where do I find Me?


I’m going to add a “just you wait” to this, a good one though. My kids are in preschool full-time and big enough to play together without us hovering nearby now. It’s incredible to watch them grow, but I also realized that there was room for me to be a whole person again which has been incredible. I was sad to leave the baby stage, but being able to be a mom and a person has been the best gift.

Patty Poorten

Thank you for sharing this. You hit the nail on the head. It’s the best “role” in the world, but you don’t get any time off and you are constantly planning your next move. You got this! You’re an amazing mom and we all appreciate you sharing what we may not be able to say so sophisticated. xoxo

Kate K

Long time listener, first time caller: SO MUCH THIS. I am also a new mom and I feel the loss of time for myself, ease, and flexibility, really hard right now. Thanks for sharing!


These types of posts are among my favorites.

I’m a bit behind you when it comes to having a baby. I’ll be 35 in a few months and just had my first and only child, a son as well! I’ve been enjoying your blog for years and deeply value hearing about your experiences in motherhood, especially as I sit here at 1:30am holding my 8 weeks old thinking about when things might get easier (or harder).

I already feel so surprised by the incredible differences between motherhood and pre-motherhood. I went nearly 35 years without caring for another human and see that it’s going to be an intensive process. The newborn stage is unreal! When thinking about toddlerhood, even what you wrote about how exhausting the Nantucket trip was, I think about how I really need to mentally prepare for the challenges. Thanks again for sharing, this little narrative blogs help me understand and accept my own.


Do you have a blog as well? I love your writing style! Would love to read more of your writing.


I think it also depends on what type of infancy you experience. My daughter was born with a rare GI disorder and 19 months later we are still doing monthly labs to figure out elevated liver enzymes. Like everyone, it is a crash course to jumping into motherhood with a baby who does not sleep and was diagnosed as malnourished despite constant eating. That first year was ROUGH. I got my first full night of sleep after her birth at month 10 and still feel a bit loopy. I appreciate your perspective so much because some days and seasons are both lovely and hard!

Chrissy White

Those thoughts are so authentic. I totally get it. There are many phases of parenting through the years (that whiz by!) and it is often a trade of as you move to the next phase! You’re right in embracing every mpment both good and bad aspects.


This sums up motherhood so well. It’s so nuanced. Around 4 (in my experience) you start to realllly get back to yourself and things get a bit easier. Hang in there mama!