Perfectionism is a trait most people would consider a good thing. I, however, do not.
I can push aside bad tapes (bad thoughts that cycle through my head over and over and over) most of the time. However, through in lots of stress and deadlines and I lose control. The bad tapes are nearly impossible to stop and they are terrible.
My perfectionism can spiral out of control really quickly. I have struggled with it for as long as I can remember.
I have been afraid to do things because I don’t think I will succeed.
I have not completed assignments out of fear of not doing them correctly.
I have set beyond lofty goals that when not met, I basically self-destruct.
I have mistaken events out of my control as consequences of my own personal failure.
In the deepest part of my mind, I know that it is not rational.
But those tapes won’t turn off. I may not be able to turn them off completely, but I’ve learned some ways to muffle the volume of them.
I can take myself out of the room with the stereo playing the bad tapes and go next door. I can hear them, but they’re not quite as clear or loud.
Three songs are getting me through studying for finals and blocking out the bad tapes right now:
“Who Says” – Selena Gomez
Who says Who says you’re not star potential Who says you’re not presidential Who says you can’t be in movies Listen to me, listen to me Who says you don’t pass the test
“Perfect” – Pink
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead So complicated, look happy, you’ll make it!
“Firework” – Katy Perry
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
Cause there’s a spark in you